ugly
by ozzysgirl
Summary: If you're told something enough you will believe it. Re posted after being tweaked a bit. No big differences just grammar and layout issues that bugged me
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER. I don't own anything you recognize, they belong to Kurt Sutter.

Sunday morning 10 am and already the heat was becoming unbearable. Carla could feel her sundress sticking to her back as she mopped the kitchen floor. Ted said they couldn't afford air con. Wiping the beads of sweat from her brow with her forearm, she picked up the bucket and headed to the back yard to empty it. She had a lot to do today, Ted would be pissed if he came home to a dirty house. Carla sighed, Ted would be pissed anyway. She always got something wrong. She had married when she was 19 and he was 34. He was a big brute of a man, who had reminded her how fortunate she was to find someone prepared to marry an ugly bitch like her every day for the last 9 years. Satisfied that the kitchen would pass muster, she began vacuuming the lounge, keen to get the housework done before it got any hotter.

4pm. Carla eased herself on to the seat on the veranda and sipped her ice cold lemonade. Ted's dinner was in the oven and the house was spotless, she could relax until he got in at 5.

"Carla! You lazy little bitch!" Shit, she must've fallen asleep. Ted dragged her to her feet and shoved her into the kitchen. She grabbed the counter top stop herself from falling.

"I'm sorry." she gasped. "I dozed off, your dinner's ready, I'll just get it for you."

"Put some jeans on first." He snarled. "Seeing that ugly, body of yours puts me off my food."

Monday morning 6.30am. Carla showered and dressed as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake Ted. She didn't need any more bruises. She grabbed herself a banana for her breakfast and, headed out to her car. Carla enjoyed the half hour drive to work every day. It was her time. She allowed herself to dream a little, to think about the what ifs and maybes. All to soon she arrived in the industrial district of Lodi. She pulled up at a small warehouse and headed inside.

From 8 till 5, six days a week, Carla sat at a bench and stuffed mail shots into envelopes for minimum wage and no benefits. But she got to sit down all day, and what else could she do. Waiting tables or bar work was out of the question and, as Ted pointed out, she was too stupid to do admin work. Her boss, Rene, was a tall statuesque woman, with brassy coloured hair and a loud voice. She wore brightly coloured, low cut tops, stretched across her ample breasts, showing off her impressive cleavage and chunky gold jewelry. In all she was every thing Carla wasn't. She was pretty sure that Rene and Ted were having an affair but she couldn't bring herself to care. She didn't care about much anymore.

The other employees headed off to the local diner for lunch, but Carla didn't join them, she couldn't afford to. She stayed at her bench and ate a sandwich. Her wages got paid straight into Ted's bank account, Carla being too dumb to manage her own finances, and he gave her enough cash for fuel and groceries. The girls were friendly enough but they all spoke in Spanish and although she'd picked up enough to understand them in the time she had worked there, she wasn't confident about speaking to them in their native language. She didn't have anything interesting to say anyway.

Every evening was the same, Carla got in and immediately started to fix Ted's dinner. He worked at the local lumber yard, but she was never sure when he would get in. It could be 6.30pm or 4am, either way, if his dinner wasn't on the table waiting for him when he got in, there would be Hell to pay. This evening was different though.

Carla got home at the usual time and because her hand was sore she decided to heat up something she's squirreled away in the freezer. Ted only liked freshly cooked food, but every time she cooked casseroles or pies, she made extra and froze it. Luckily he never ventured near the freezer, so he never found out.

At the sound of his truck she pulled a beer from the fridge, and put his dinner on the table, vaguely aware of the sound of motorcycles approaching, squared her shoulders and waited for him to come through the door. And waited. Puzzled, Carla glanced out of the window, she didn't want him to think she was checking up on him. She gasped, her hand going to her mouth as she quickly ducked back behind the curtains. Ted was on his knees, the muzzle of a gun, held by a tall bald biker, pressed against his head. Another biker stood on the driveway keeping a lookout.

Ted was terrified. A warm stream of urine soaking his trouser leg. "I'll pay, I swear, tell Lou he'll get his money by the end of the week." Happy Lowman, enforcer for the Sons Of Anarchy Motorcycle Club pressed his glock harder against the cowering man's head. "Too late, shithead." he growled.

"Let him go." His head snapped round at the familiar sound of a shotgun being cocked. "Oh you have got to be kidding me…Tig, deal with that."

Alex 'Tig' Trager, Sergeant At Arms, turned and marched towards the tiny girl standing in the doorway, the shotgun in her hands pointed at Happy. She was terrified, he could see that. Even from this distance he could see she was trembling and her eyes were huge. "You better give that to me doll, 'fore somebody gets hurt." Tig loomed over he as he reached out and took the shotgun from her. "Don't worry doll, we aint gonna kill him." He whispered, so low, only she could hear. "Dead men can't pay their debts."

Carla looked up and found herself gazing into the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. She flinched as his hand came up to her face causing him to frown. "Don't make a habit of beating on women, either sweetheart." he growled, lifting her chin and putting his hand round her throat. His fingers fitted exactly over the four finger shaped bruises there and he brushed his thumb along her jaw. "He gonna take this shit out on you?"

Of course he was, Carla wanted to scream. "This is what he does, shitty day at work, I get a beating, cut up on the freeway, I get a beating, lose on the horses.. you get the picture." But she said nothing. Tig nodded. "Sorry, Doll." He whispered. He turned and walked slowly back to Ted and crouched down next to him, wrinkling his nose at the stench of piss. "Seven days, you cowardly, snivelling piece of shit. If you aint paid up by then, I will kill you. And trust me it aint gonna be quick." Tig stood and placed a couple of well placed kicks in the ribs, grunting in satisfaction when he heard one crack, That should slow him down for a while. Happy looked over at Carla. "He been beating on her?" Tig nodded. "She's a lying bitch." Ted wheezed. "I never touched her…oof." Happy kicked his other side. "Did I say you could speak, shithead."

She was tiny, and so thin he could probably get his hands round her waist, limp blonde hair framed her heart shaped face and she had the most remarkable huge, pale grey eyes. Happy stalked towards her, his eyes locked on hers. He frowned when he saw how she was holding her left arm. The fingers on her hand, twisted and deformed. "He do that to your hand?" He growled. Carla shook her head. "Born with it." she lied. Happy scowled. He had done some bad shit, really bad shit. But when he looked into her eyes and saw the defeat in them, it was all he could do not to kill that arsehole right there. What man would beat something as tiny and defenceless as her.

They had to leave. Their job was done, message delivered. Neither man was happy about leaving that little girl with that hulking, bully, but it wasn't their business and it they were truthful neither man could really take the moral high ground.

Tig was a sick, twisted arsehole. Anyone who knew him, knew that. He liked his sex rough and he'd be lying if he said things hadn't ever got out of control. He had a temper too and on more than one occasion he'd backhanded his ex, although she was hardly defenceless, in fact he still carried a six inch scar in his side from where the crazy bitch had stabbed him. But he would never subject anyone to the sort of systematic abuse that the little girl clearly had gone through.

Happy was a cold hearted motherfucker who could torture and kill on demand. He wasn't quite a psychopath, but he did have the ability to compartmentalize and could kill someone if that was required and feel no guilt. And although he had a reputation for being a callous and unfeeling lover among the women that hung around the clubhouse, he would never hit any of them. He was many things, but he wasn't a bully.

Carla helped Ted to his feet. "Get your hands off me." There was no fire in his voice this time. Carla kept her eyes to the ground and let him lean on her as they made there way to the house.

Life for Carla returned to normal. Over the next few months she kept her lip buttoned, her head down and her eyes averted as she stumbled through life. Ted borrowed the money from Rene, who seemed to be under the impression that it was Carla that was draining his resources, giving her the excuse to up her work load and pile on the verbal abuse. Sometimes she would allow herself to think about those two bikers. They had seemed genuinely concerned. But she knew about the Sons Of Anarchy and their reputation with women, among other things. Why would they care about an ugly, useless girl like her.

* * *

Tig sat in the Starlight Club, a glass of jack in his hand and a bored expression on his face. The girl in front of him had stripped down to her g string and was working the pole. Her body had seen better days and her eyes were dead. His eyes drifted across the room until they fell on one Ted Harrison. He was drunkenly leering over a buxom blonde, his big, meaty hands stuffing twenties into the girls garter. The same big hands that had tightened round that little girls throat.

He couldn't remember getting to his feet, much less leaving the club and mounting his bike, It was like his body was doing his thinking for him. Even as he banged on Carla's front door, he had no idea why he was really there.

Carla jumped at the sound of someone knocking the door, they lived off the beaten track and very rarely had callers. She got to her feet and hurried as quickly as she could to the door. Opening it a fraction she peered out, her eyes falling on the blue eyed biker. "Ted's not here." Her voice was so soft, it was almost a whisper. Rusty from lack of use. "I know." Tig pushed passed her and walked into the house. He looked round the room, the furnishings were old but the place was spotless. Of course it was. He turned and looked at her. Really looked. She was short, little over 5 feet and thin to the point of being emaciated and the fingers on her left hand seemed very slightly twisted. But it was her face that really held his attention. She was stunning. How had he not seen that before? Yes her skin was too sallow, her hair was lifeless, and the hollows under her cheekbones coupled with the frown that marked her brow gave her a slightly haggard appearance. But Tig could see, that with a few decent meals inside her, and her hand fixed up so the pain was taken away, she would be a real beauty. Her features were fine and straight and her lips were soft and full. But it was her eyes that set her apart. They were big, almost too big and ringed with thick, black lashes, and they were grey, pale, almost silver. He had never seen anything like them.

She shifted, uncomfortable under such scrutiny, and he broke from his trance. "Pack your bags, sweetheart, you're leaving." The words were out of his mouth before he was aware of it. "What? I can't. Where would I go? What would I do?" Tig hadn't thought of that, but brushed away any concerns. "You're coming with me. Once in a lifetime opportunity, I suggest you take it." Carla stood, rooted to the spot. "Clock's ticking, Doll." He reached out slowly and gently touched her face trying not to spook her. "I aint a good man and I aint promising happy ever after. I will yell and lose my temper and I will act like an arsehole. Don't want an old lady and you wouldn't want me as an old man. But I swear to you now, that I will never beat you and I will do whatever I can to keep you safe and if you ever want to walk away, I won't do anything to stop you." "Carla nodded. "Ok, I can live with that."


	2. Chapter 2

Sons Of Anarchy belongs to Kurt Sutter. Carla's mine though.

As Carla drove behind Tig's bike, emotions washed over her. Feelings she hadn't allowed herself for nearly 10 years.

Since she was a kid all her hopes, dreams and ambitions had been beaten out of her. Tig hadn't promised the world and she didn't think for a moment he'd ever want to be with a girl like her, not even for a night, but she didn't care. He would keep her safe. He'd promised, and she believed him.

Tig checked his mirrors, she was still there. He had no idea what he was going to do with her. When he had gone to her house he hadn't known what he was doing there, he just wanted to make sure she was safe, but when he looked into those astonishing eyes, he knew he couldn't leave her there. She would drive him nuts, he knew that. She was too passive, too meek, too broken. He wasn't a patent man, he was impulsive and reactive. But she had pointed a shotgun at Happy, so maybe there was still a spark of something there.

He would have to take her to his place, he wanted her out of Clay's crosshairs, at least until he knew what to do with her.

"It aint much, but you can stay as long as you need, I aint here often, so you got the place pretty much to yourself.

Carla nodded, "Thank you."

"You got cash?" She shook her head. Tig pulled out a wad of banknotes and handed them to her. "you'll need to get food and shit, that should cover it for now."

Carla stared at the money in her hand, it was more than she'd ever seen. "I…" she was at a loss for words. She looked round the living room, it was sparse and smelt musty, unused, but not too unkempt.

She shifted. "Can I sit down, please?" Tig frowned "Doll, you can do whatever you like, this is your place now." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow evening. Just try to relax and, I dunno, make yourself at home, I guess."

He handed her a set of keys and headed for the door. "Tig, I….Thank you."

"No problem, sweetheart. Later."

Suddenly finding herself alone, Carla released a breath, she didn't know she was holding, and decided to explore her new home. It wouldn't take long, there just being a living room, kitchen and bedroom with an en suite on the ground floor. There were stairs that led to an attic room, but she figured she would investigate that later. Picking up one of the bags that he'd unceremoniously dumped on the living room floor, she walked slowly towards the bedroom, and sank gratefully on the bed, she'd get the other bag in the morning, she was too tired right now. Sighing she laid back on the musty smelling bed, hating herself for being pathetic. Tig wouldn't want a useless waste of space around, she'd have to man up. Carla closed her eyes. She'd man up in the morning, right now she was tired and was going to sleep.

Tig came back the following evening. Carla hadn't known what he expected from her so after grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, she had cleaned the house from top to bottom. She was just taking a pie from the oven when she heard his bike pull up. She felt that familiar quickening of her pulse, mentally preparing herself for any punishment she may be due. She berated herself. He had promised not to beat her. She grabbed him a beer and headed for the door.

Tig watched as she walked back to the kitchen. "Sit down, Doll, you look like you could use a rest." She gave a small shake of her head. "I'm ok, let me get you something to eat." He reached out and touched her arm. Jeez what was with the flinching, he told her he wouldn't hit her hadn't he. "Sit." Carla sat. "Listen Doll, while I appreciate you cleaning and cooking and shit, you don't have to. This is your place and if you want to slob out, you can. I don't expect you to do anything. Except maybe eat, you're too skinny, you anorexic or something." She shook her head, no. "Good, now stay there." Tig went into the kitchen and cut them both a slice of pie. "Here, you might as well start now." He handed her a plate and sat next to her and began to eat. "This is good shit, Doll. Why you not eating?"

Carla didn't know how to explain. "I will, I mean I am, don't you mind?"

"Mind?"

"Me being here while you eat." Tig's jaw dropped "What kinda sick shit is this?"

"Ted said I put him off his food." Tig raised a questioning eyebrow. Carla looked at her hands. "Cos I'm so ugly."

Tig wanted to sweep her into his arms. Or jump on his bike and kick the shit out of that nasty fuck. "You know you aint ugly, right. In fact, Doll, you're fucking beautiful." He gave her a smile. "Now eat your pie." Carla started to eat, she always did as she was told.

Why would Tig say that? She knew she was ugly, had been told it all her life, first by her mother and then by Ted. She was aware of him watching her but couldn't look up and meet his eyes. She wanted to cry, or yell, or something. She was so conflicted.

"Please don't make fun of me, Tig." She whispered

"You see me laughing sweetheart?"


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

"Ok, there's just one more thing before we go." Clay looked around the table. "Happy is gonna need somewhere to stay till he's fit to ride. He's pretty beat up, as we all know, and the club house aint the best place for him."

Tig shifted uncomfortably, he knew what was coming next. He felt all the eyes in the room fall on him. "Tig, it makes sense that he stays at yours, you got a bedroom and bathroom on ground level and you spend more time here than you do there." He looked over at his president, unable to think of a valid reason why Happy shouldn't stay there. He nodded. "Okay, but there's stuff I need to sort out first."

Jax laughed. "He probably got a little sex slave tied up in there."

Tig glared at his VP. "Funny fucker, aint ya." He was well aware of his reputation as a sexual deviant and certainly had never tried to deny it. But the little prince pissed him off, he never missed the opportunity to have a dig. He was going to have a field day when he found out that he'd had a girl squirreled away at his place for the last three months and hadn't told anyone. Shit, Clay was going to flip. He stormed out of the club house as soon as church was adjourned, causing a few raised eyebrows. Tig rarely got farther than the bar on a Friday night. He was definitely up to something. He had been acting strange for a few months now, even by his standards. But none of the guys could quite put their fingers on what it was about him that was off.

"Carla Doll, where you at?" Tig always made a point of loudly announcing his arrival. He'd caught her unawares a couple of times in the past and that momentary look of fear on her face had bothered him more than he cared to admit. He had always enjoyed the fact that he scared people, but with Carla it was different. It was like she was always waiting for the other foot to drop, couldn't quite believe that nothing was going to happen to her.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you tonight." Carla grabbed them both a beer and followed him into the living room. "Heading back out in a bit. Sit down Doll, got something to tell ya." Carla heart sank. He was going to tell her it was time to move out, she had outstayed her welcome. "Hey, don't look so worried, sweetheart." Tig reached out to touch her face, frowning as she shied away. "Sorry." She whispered, she knew it pissed him off when she did that, but sometimes she just couldn't help it. He shook his head, but didn't move his hand from her cheek. "I aint gonna hurt ya, how many fucking times do I have to tell ya." Tig wasn't angry, but he was worried. If she was still jumpy around him after he'd been walking on eggshells round her for three months, what the hell was she gonna be like around Happy? "You remember Happy?" She nodded. "The one who threatened Ted."

"Yeah, well he laid his bike down a few days back, smashed himself up pretty bad. He's gonna stay here till he can ride again."

"You want me to move out?"

"Nah sweetheart, you can stay, but he will need your room. His leg's in plaster so he'll need the bed." Carla frowned. "Does he know I'm here." Tig grinned. "Nope, thought it'd be a nice surprise for him. Just try to avoid pointing any guns at him, ok."

Happy was not happy. Six weeks! What was he supposed to do for six fucking weeks, stuck in plaster, not able to ride, not able to do anything. He was not happy at all, and then to be told he wouldn't be staying at the club house, but at Tig's. Well that just topped it off. He sat in the back of the van with the offending leg stuck out in front of him, glaring at anyone who as much as looked in his direction. Tig shut the back doors and climbed into the drivers seat. "Want some music on, man? Might lighten your mood." Happy scowled even harder. "Shut the fuck up and drive."

They pulled up outside the house and Tig helped him out of the van. Every little movement hurt as he slowly made his way to the front door, leaning heavily on his crutches. All he wanted to do was lay down and close his eyes. Happy knew he was lucky to be alive, but right now he didn't feel lucky, he felt pissed off and in pain. He looked up as the door opened, and standing in front of him was a pretty little blonde with a nice rack, who looked vaguely familiar. "Who the fuck is she?"

"Got you a nurse, bro." Tig grinned, He winked at Carla. "C'mon Doll, help me get him to bed. Gonna have to warn ya, he's being a miserable son of a bitch so I suggest you give him lots of drugs, and if he really kicks off, just steal his crutches."

"Bite me, arsehole." Happy growled but allowed them to help him into bed. Once they'd got him settled, Tig led Carla into the living room and sat her down. He crouched down in front of her, forcing her to look into his eyes. "This aint gonna be easy, Doll. He'll bitch and yell, in fact he's gonna make me look like a pussy cat. You just gotta to roll with it. Can you do that?" She smiled and nodded. "Yeah I can do that."

Happy was in a world of pain and he was not dealing with it at all well. He'd come off his bike before, been beaten up. Hell he'd even been shot, but this was different. This time the pain was every where, his back, his shoulder, his ribs, even his face hurt. The only part of him that wasn't too bad was his leg, and that was because it was encased in plaster. No matter what he did, he couldn't get comfortable and it was pissing him off big time. "Hey, Hey, Get in here and bring me some meds." Tig nudged her. "Show time." He watched as she squared her shoulders and headed into the room and smiled to himself. He'd seen it in her before, that inner reserve, the little spark deep inside her that had kept her alive after a lifetime of abuse. She may have borne scars, but she was a survivor, not a victim.

Tig knew about physical abuse, he'd watched his stepfather beat his mother and he knew all about psychological abuse as well. Had been the victim of it, growing up. He knew how hard it was to shake off the damage it caused, that deep inside there would always be that little voice. Useless, stupid, waste of space. He had been lucky. First the Marines and then the Sons had given him a sense of purpose and a feeling of belonging. Carla didn't have those things but somehow in the past couple of months she had started to turn her life around. Just baby steps at first, finding a part time job in a second hand record store and enrolling in a couple of evening classes to continue an education that had been cut short aged sixteen. She was still jumpy and would probably always have self esteem issues, but she was getting there and it made him feel good that for once his actions had resulted in something positive.

Happy looked up as the little blonde walked in with his meds. He knew he'd seen her before, but couldn't place her. She wasn't a sweetbut, he knew that. He had a thing for blondes and he was sure he hadn't fucked her. She handed him the pills and a glass of water. "Do you want anything else?" He laid back and closed his eyes. "Nah." Even talking hurt. He'd find out about her tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own sons of anarchy

When Happy woke the next morning, his mood was no better. He'd barely slept and the pain killers had worn off, so now he could add tiredness to the list of complaints. The door opened and the little blonde walked in, this time with a mug of coffee and a plate of toast. "You got my meds girl?" He growled, swallowing, his throat felt like sandpaper.

"You should eat first, those pills can make you nauseous."

"Don't want no food, just give me the meds."

She sighed. "Okay, but you're gonna feel sick." Happy glared at her. "Listen, bitch, if I want your opinion, I'll ask. Just give me the pills."

Carla fought the urge to cry. It had been three months since anyone had spoken to her like that and although she tried to brush it off, it stung. She gave him the pills, put the plate on the bedside table, and without a word turned and left the room. She could do this, she'd promised Tig. This wasn't personal, Happy was just taking his frustrations out on her. She could do this. She repeated the mantra to herself as she got ready for work. Carla owed Tig every thing and she wasn't going to let him down. A sudden crash startled her from her thoughts and she rushed to the bed room to find Happy laid flat out on the floor.

"Oh, God, here let me help you." She crouched down next to him.

" Don't need your help, I'm fine."

"Sure you are." She grunted helping him back onto the bed. "What the hell were you trying to do."

"Need to pee, think I blacked out." He at least had the decency to look embarrassed. Carla kept whatever opinions she had to herself as she helped him get slowly to his feet and with one steadying hand on his back she walked with him as he hobbled into the bathroom.

"Think I can take it from here." Carla nodded and stood outside the door until he was done, then helped him back to the bed.

"I'm going to work soon, I'll only be gone for a couple of hours. Do you want me to call Tig" Happy shook his head and immediately regretted it as waves of nausea swept over him. He swallowed, fighting the urge to puke. "I'll be okay, if I need anything I'll call him." He watched as she left the room, still not able to remember where he knew her from. Shit he hated this, the meds were fogging up his brain but if he didn't take them the pain was practically unbearable.

"Hey, I don't know your name."

She turned and smiled. "Carla. See ya later, Happy."

"So you gonna tell me where I know her from?"

Happy and Tig were sitting on the bench in the back yard sharing a joint while Carla fixed them some lunch. He had been at Tig's for three days now and although he was still in quite a bit of pain, it was more manageable now.

"You remember that favour we did for Lou a while back? The fat loser with a liking for the horses?"

Suddenly the penny dropped. "The shotgun girl."

Tig grinned, he could see why Happy wouldn't recognize her. She'd filled out over the last few months and now had a healthy glow about her.

"And why exactly is she here?"

Tig shrugged. "I dunno, bro. If I'd just left her there and that fat bastard killed her…." Tig left the rest of the sentence unsaid and Happy nodded. Women associated with Tig had a tendency to wind up dead. Maybe Carla was his chance of redemption.

"Clay know she's here?"

Happy knew the answer before he heard it. "Club would destroy her, man, you know that." Tig was right, he'd seen it happen himself enough times. Some little girl turning to the club for protection and ending up burned out with a serious crank habit. Tig stared out across the yard and waited for the next question.

"You fucking her?"

"No I aint." For some reason that question pissed him off and he had no idea why.

Carla poked her head round the door. "Lunch is ready, guys."

Tig stood up and waited to see that Happy was steady on his feet before following her into the kitchen. There was no way he was going to fuck Carla, it would be all too easy to take advantage of her vulnerability. For once in his life he was trying to do the right thing even if he didn't know what the right thing was.

Happy watched as she put their food on the table and sat down to join them. For the past three days it was like she was barely there, she was so quiet and unobtrusive. She made sure he ate and took his meds, changed his dressings and tended to his needs. But she offered no conversation and if she wasn't needed, she disappeared.

"You got any plans for the future, girl?"

Tig's head shot round. Where the fuck did that come from? "She can stay here as long as she likes." He glared at Happy. "Back off her, brother."

"I do have plans." Both men turned and looked at Carla. She stared at her plate not raising her eyes to meet their's. "I'm starting at Galt community college in September and I should have enough cash to rent a room nearby, by then." She looked up and her eyes met Happy's. "I will always be grateful for what Tig has done for me, but I have no intention of living off him forever. He has given me the chance to have the life I've always wanted and I intend to take it."

Tig felt his jaw drop. There really was more to this little girl than met the eye. Happy's lips curled up into a tiny smile. "Think you're gonna do okay, little girl." She smiled back at him. "Yeah, I think I am."


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy.

Carla came home from work to an empty house. Tig had taken Happy to the clubhouse for the evening. He was going stir crazy and Tig was reluctant to have his brothers round the house. He wanted to keep them away from Carla.

She decided to take advantage of the peace and quiet to get her homework done, she was keen to get herself an education. She never intended to be dependent on anyone ever again.

She was halfway through her English essay when Tig and Happy came back in. Carla frowned, Happy looked terrible. She knew that he was in no fit state to be out socialising but, as usual, had kept her opinions to herself.

"Don't say a word." Happy eased himself on to the sofa with a wince. Carla was beginning to think he was telepathic, he always seemed to know what she was thinking.

She laughed. "Yeah, you know me, Happy. Nag, nag, nag." She grabbed his meds and sat next to him. "You want me to help you get to bed."

"I'm okay." She nodded but helped him anyway. She was learning that Happy was a proud man and he hated being incapacitated, but as long as she didn't draw attention to it, he would allow her to help him. Once he was settled in bed, she turned to leave.

"Stay." She turned, her eyebrows raised quizzically. "C'mere, sit with me." Carla sat and waited for him to speak. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" Happy allowed himself a small smile, the girl spoke even less than him. At first he'd interpreted this as timidity, a result of her past, but in the few days he had known her he realized that this was just the way she was. She didn't feel the need to fill silences with meaningless chatter, a trait Happy admired. "What's your story, girl?" She sighed. "Usual bullshit, Hap." The last thing she wanted to do was talk about her past, but Happy wasn't the type to let things go. He touched her hand, the ring finger and pinky were slightly curled and twisted out of shape. "How'd that happen?"

"I tried to leave. Ted caught up with me, slammed my hand in the car door."

"How'd you end up with an arsehole like him?" She shrugged. "I was young and desperate to get away from my bitch of a mother. He wasn't bad to start with, although looking back, the signs were there. I guess I'm just a lousy judge of character." Happy gave her hand a tiny squeeze. "Don't beat yourself up, girl, you aint the first to be suckered."

He closed his eyes and laid back on the pillows, the meds were starting to kick in. As Carla started to leave he tightened his grip on her hand. "Aint right, what happened to you." His voice was slurred as he fought against sleep. "Aint ever gonna happen again." He brought her fingers up to his lips. "Night girl."

Tig looked up from the TV as Carla walked in and sat next to him. "Every thing okay?" She nodded. Happy's sudden act of kindness had come completely out of the blue and she had no idea how to process it. She decided to put it down to the drugs and forget about it.

Tig looked over to the bedroom door. "He likes you." Carla's eyebrows shot up. "What makes you think that?" He slipped his arm around her shoulder. "Just a feeling, Doll." If he was honest Tig wasn't thrilled about Happy's sudden interest in Carla. Although she was tougher than he'd first thought, he worried that Happy's fuck 'em and chuck 'em attitude would damage her already fragile self esteem. He kissed her forehead. "Be careful round him, okay." She settled against his shoulder, he was the only person she really felt relaxed around and she enjoyed those rare moments they spent together.

"I've got no intention of getting involved with Happy, or any one else, for that matter. In three and a half months I'll be at college and after that, who knows. I think I'm too fucked up to ever be in a relationship." Tig frowned, this wasn't what he wanted to hear. "Never say never, Doll."

"Tig, I trust you more than anyone else in the world. I know you'd never hurt me, yet I still freak out if you make sudden moves towards me. The idea of having a sexual relationship with anyone terrifies me, and Happy doesn't strike me as a patient man."

"Just give yourself time, Doll. I aint saying that you need a man to make you happy. But I don't like the idea of you being alone for the rest of your life."

"You're a lovely man, Tig Trager, you know that, don't you."

"Yeah, yeah, keep it to yourself, Doll, I got a reputation to uphold." He stood up. "I'm gonna head back to the club house, there's a little red head with a pussy like a vice that's just begging for a bit of old Tigger." Carla laughed. "Too much information, Tig. Goodnight."

* * *

"You are a cheating bitch!" Happy slammed his cards on the table. Carla collected her ten cent winnings, a broad grin on her face. He had been at Tig's for four weeks now and he and Carla had fallen into a comfortable routine. Not being able to ride was driving him crazy, but he was doing his best to not take out his frustrations on her and she was much more relaxed in his company. In fact she missed him whenever he spent the night at the clubhouse. Tig was around more these days as well and for the first time in what felt like forever, Carla felt, for want of a better word, normal. It wasn't just at home, but at work and her evening class too, she felt comfortable around others.

Tig leaned on the doorframe and watched them as they played. It wasn't just the change in Carla that surprised him, but Happy, too seemed to be tapping into some hidden reserves of patience. The irony of Carla and Happy's growing friendship wasn't lost on him. He knew Happy had made no secret of his role within the Sons and it didn't faze her one little bit. It didn't mean it worried him any the less though, Happy was a dangerous man and although Tig didn't believe he would deliberately hurt her, he didn't want her sucked into his world.

He threw himself down on the sofa next to her, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Deal me in, Doll, we'll take him to the cleaners." Happy scowled, he didn't know if Tig was doing it deliberately but every time he thought that he was getting closer to her, Tig came between them. He didn't even know why it bothered him so much. The only explanation could be that he had too much time on his hands.

* * *

"Turn right just up by that barn." Carla drove down a disused track towards a burned out warehouse. She looked at Happy, sitting behind her, his leg resting on the seat. "You planning to off me?" He grinned. "Not unless you piss me off, Girl. Pull over here." He handed her a holdall before climbing out of the car and hopping on his crutches carefully over the uneven ground, Carla trailing slowly behind him.

"Open the bag." She did as she was instructed and frowned at the collection of guns inside.

"Figured if you were gonna be out on your own, you need it be able to defend yourself."

"Is there any point me arguing about this, Hap?" He treated her to another rare grin. "Nope."

Half an hour later and Happy was beginning to be think, she'd be better off throwing the gun at her target. He stood behind her, his hands over hers. "Relax your grip, and go for a body shot, not a head shot." He was so close, she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. "And you might find it easier to hit your target if you open your eyes."

Eventually his patience paid off and she started to hit her targets, it had taken two clips and he felt like he'd ground his teeth to stubs but he was finally satisfied that she would be able to take out an attacker without shooting herself in the foot.

"You better keep this one." He tucked the 9mm into the waistband of her jeans. She turned and he brought his lips down onto hers. He hadn't planned on kissing her, but once he started, he didn't want to stop.

Carla couldn't breathe, she felt panic flood over her in waves, but even as she pressed her hands to his chest to push him away, she was aware of that feeling of regret. "I'm sorry, I can't." Happy stroked her cheek. "Don't apologize Girl. Nobody has the right to push up on you, least of all me. I shouldn't have done that." She rested her forehead against his chest. "You just caught me unawares, Hap. Do you think we could try that again?" He gently lifted her face, his thumb running along her jaw and kissed her, more gently this time. "Any time you wanna stop, just say the word." When she said nothing, he kissed her again, harder this time, grunting with satisfaction as he felt her respond. Carla's hands found their way inside his tee shirt, running over his toned abs and resting on the buckle of his belt. Happy pulled away. "You sure?" She wasn't, not really, but she nodded anyway.

"No, I don't think you are." He kissed her again. "Don't try and force it. C'mon let's go and get something to eat."

They drove to the diner in silence, lost in their own thoughts, both trying to process what had just happened, finally Carla spoke. "I do want to, you know, be with you. But when I was with Ted, sex was just something that he did to me, not something I wanted. He never kissed me, not like you did. I can't afford to fall in love and I don't know if I'm emotionally equipped to be involved with you." Happy sat in silence, not sure how to respond. "Say something, Hap."

"I know you got plans Girl, and I aint gonna kill your dreams but I'd be lying if I said you weren't special. I don't think you'd be just a fuck to me, I like you and you like me. How 'bout we just see how it goes." Carla smiled. "Sounds like a plan, Hap."


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

Happy sat on the bed trying to look unconcerned as the small circular saw cut through his plaster cast. Carla had offered to stay and hold his hand and of course he had scoffed at the idea, he was no pussy. But the truth was, he really wished she was there. He was almost too afraid to look at his leg, knowing it would be atrophied after such a long period of disuse but also scared it would be deformed in some way. He gave himself a mental kick up the arse. A few weeks in a soft walking cast, a bit of physiotherapy and he'd be fit to go. He glanced towards the corridor where he knew Carla would be waiting. Happy still wasn't sure what was going on between them. The girl had definite trust issues, but it wasn't him that she didn't trust, but herself. She was terrified of falling in love.

The nurse removed the plaster and steeling himself he looked at his leg. It was thin and slightly withered but as far as he could tell, it was straight and every thing was pointing in the right direction he heaved a sigh of relief. Finally there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Carla looked up as Happy walked through the door, his leg now in a soft walking cast and knee brace and using only one crutch. She stood and lightly touched his chest. "Hey, everything okay?" He smiled "It's all good, girl." As she started to walk to the exit, he reached out and touched her shoulder. "I appreciate you putting up with me, I know I aint been easy." Carla chuckled. "Happy, it was a walk in the park. Even when you're being a miserable son of a bitch."

She knew he must be getting tired of her. Happy was a man used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it. But she was still holding back, reluctant to take whatever it was they had to the next level. She was going to lose him no matter what she did. He was a nomad and Tig had explained in no uncertain terms what that meant. Despite her best efforts not to, she was falling in love with him and he was going to break her heart.

Happy fought the urge to touch her. The bitch had really got under his skin, he couldn't pretend otherwise. He understood her reluctance to get involved with him but he would keep on trying until she caved. He had to fuck her, he needed to get her out of his system although he had a nagging suspicion that just fucking her wouldn't be enough.

They hadn't been home more than five minutes when Tig came home clutching a takeaway.

"Hey man how's the leg?" He slung his arm round Carla's shoulder and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "I got us food, Doll." He sat down, pulling her onto his lap and started nibbling her earlobe. "I'm pissing him off, aint I?" He whispered with an evil grin across his face.

"Tig, stop it." She hissed. She knew what Tig was up to. He had been doing every thing he could to keep her and Happy apart. She got it, she really did. Tig had taken on the role as her protector and she couldn't help but to be touched by his concern, even if he was driving her nuts. If he kept it up much longer, though, Happy was going to kill him.

Happy was indeed pissed. He didn't know what Tig's problem was. If Carla wanted to be with him, it was up to her. She was a grown woman, she may've had a few issues, but she wasn't stupid. It was time that he and Tig had a little talk.

It wasn't long before he got his chance. Carla had a class that evening and the second she was out the door, Happy pounced. "Think you an' me need a little chat, brother." Tig had known this was coming, in fact, he was surprised it had taken this long. He said nothing and waited for Happy to say his piece.

"You got a problem with me an' Carla getting together?"

"Yeah, Hap, I do. She's vulnerable man. What happens when you go back on the road? You gonna expect her to wait around for you, while you're fucking every available tart on the West Coast?" Happy hadn't really thought about that. All he'd wanted was to get that little blonde out of his head and the only way he could think of doing it was by fucking her. "I aint gonna hurt her, man, I like her."

Tig sat down. "You're a nomad man, as soon as you're fit to ride you'll be gone. She aint a fucking sweet but, and she aint in the life. I got eyes, I can see you like her, an' she likes you. A lot. An' whether you mean to or not, you will hurt her. Leave her alone, Hap. Please."

Happy sat down with a wince and ran his hand over his head. He couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "What about what she wants, she aint a kid, Tig. I know you care about her, but you gotta let her make her own choices. She knows what I am and what I do." Tig didn't respond. He knew that if it was what she wanted he wouldn't stand in her way. She was leaving for college soon and Happy would be gone. He started to roll a joint. Shit, he was going to miss them both.

"Guess I'll just have to make sure I'm around to pick up the pieces."

When Carla got back Happy was in bed and Tig was crashed out on the sofa. She picked up the empty vodka bottle wrinkling her nose at the lingering stink of weed. "Lightweights." She sniggered.

Tig opened one eye. "Hey, Doll." He croaked, sitting up. "We need to talk." Carla sat next to him and waited for him to speak. "Wanna tell me what's going on with you and Hap, and don't say nothing, cos I aint buying that."

She shrugged. "I like him, Tig and it scares me. It's going to hurt me to be with him, but not being with him hurts as well." Tig wrapped his arms around her and laid back down dragging her with him. She laid on his chest. "I'm going to miss you, Tigger."

"Gonna miss you too Doll."

* * *

Happy's physiotherapy was not going well. Carla sat on the plastic chair at the edge of the room waiting for him to snap. The therapist was way too perky, Carla swore if she said "Wow, you're doing amazingly well." one more time she would strangle her herself. Happy growled, his eyes meeting Carla's. "That's it I'm done."

"But…" the therapist started. Carla was on her feet ready to intervene. "Trust me, if he says he's done, then he's done. C'mon, Hap lets get you home."

Instead of heading home, Carla drove out of town. Happy looked over to her. "Lost your sense of direction, Girl?" She shook her head. "Though we'd take a drive up to Bakersfield. Your ma would love to see you." Happy nodded, she had been driving him to the hospice on a regular basis. His ma had been having a rough time with her chemo and he liked to be there for her as often as he could. She never came in with him, she respected his privacy too much for that. She would just sit in the garden and wait for him until he was ready to leave, never pushing him to share his feelings, just asking how his ma was doing and leaving it at that.

She had been right, his ma had been pleased to see him. It had been good for him too, spending time with his ma always calmed him down. Carla was a clever bitch, always seemed to know just what it was he needed. As usual she was in the garden when he left. She smiled as he limped down the path and slipped her arm through his as they walked back to the car.

They had been driving for less than an hour when she pulled over at a motel. Happy raised a questioning eyebrow and she grinned. "Think it's about time you and me got to spend some time together without Captain Cockblock getting in the way."

Happy didn't need telling twice. He was out of the car and hobbling towards the reception before she could say another word.

The room was basic but clean, not that either of them noticed. As soon the door was closed, his mouth came crashing down on hers, her lips parting as his tongue snaked it's way into her mouth. A moan escaped from her as his hands worked their way inside her top and squeezed her tits, gently at first then harder when she didn't pull away. "Tell me if you need to stop." He mumbled into her neck, still trying to show some restraint. Carla's hands found their way round the back of his neck and she brought her lips up to his. "Happy." She mumbled into his mouth. "Shut up and fuck me."

Somewhere between the door and the bed they managed to dispense with their clothes, ripping and tearing at each other in their desperation to get naked. They fell onto the bed, Happy lay on his back, Carla on top. They never stopped kissing, their hands moving all over each other.

"You better ride me, Girl, don't wanna fuck up my leg." Happy grunted. It was only partly true. His leg would hurt if he wasn't careful but the real reason was, he wanted Carla to be able to set the pace. Despite how keen she seemed, he knew she could freak out if she felt out of control. She grinned and slowly pulled down his boxers gasping at the size of his erection. "Jesus, Hap, is that normal?" Happy laughed. "Just get on and enjoy the ride."


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

Happy lay, propped up against the pillows smoking a cigarette and watching the young woman as she slept beside him. He ran his fingers through her hair and she snuggled closer to him. "Thought fucking you, might get you outta my head, Girl. Reckon I made a mistake." Carla's fingers ghosted across his abdomen, his muscles twitching in response.

"Mmmm, maybe you should try again." She rolled on to his chest and started to kiss his neck and nibbled along his jaw.

"Dirty little bitch." Happy flipped her over and positioned himself between her legs. He kissed her, softly at first, still reluctant to fuck her the way he really wanted.

"I aint made of glass. Hap." She moaned, her teeth grazing his lips.

"You sure, Girl?" Carla nodded, taking his hand and guiding it between her thighs. "Oh I'm sure, big man. That wet enough for ya?" Happy deepened the kiss, all the time his fingers rubbed against her clit. He growled into her mouth as she began to moan and writhe under him. "Wanna fuck you hard, bitch. Wanna make you scream." Cara's breath was coming in sobbing gasps. "Do me now, Hap. Please." He didn't need any more encouragement. He pushed himself inside her and after waiting just a moment for her to accommodate his size, pounded into her mercilessly.

She was coming! She could feel her climax building until she couldn't breathe. She gasped the scream building in her chest until she could hold back no longer and she had to let go, followed, seconds later by Happy, his roar joining her scream as they collapsed together in a sweaty, satisfied heap.

Happy rolled off her, wincing as he straightened his leg. Cara frowned. "You okay?"

He pulled her closer. "Never better, Girl."

They drove home in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, there just wasn't anything either of them wanted to say. The ringing of Happy's phone broke the silence.

"Yo, Okay, I'll be there."

"I need you to drop me off at TM. Gonna pick up my bike."

Carla swallowed, she knew this was coming. He had been spending more and more time without the soft cast, his impatience clear. Happy lived for the road and his bike had been, and always would be, his first love.

She had hoped they would have longer, that he would take the doctors advice and rest up for another two or three weeks. But she had known, deep down, that he would push himself to get himself back out there. He cared about her, she was sure, but he would put her aside in a heartbeat for his club.

Happy glanced over at Carla. She'd not say anything, bitch was too smart for that, but he knew she'd hoped he'd stick around for a while longer.

His club needed him, he'd been out of the loop for way too long and now it was time to get back to it. He wasn't one hundred percent fit, he knew, but as long as he was able to ride and hold a gun, he could be of use.

"You okay?" Why was he asking? Bitch would just have to suck it up. She knew what he was, what he did.

He was kidding himself, he did care what she thought. Tig was right, he was going to hurt her and he was going to do it much sooner than he'd thought.

Carla nodded. There was nothing she could say. He was going to do whatever the club asked of him. She sighed. "If I asked you to be careful, would you interpret it as nagging?" Happy chuckled. "It's possible, girl."

Carla couldn't pretend she wasn't nervous when they pulled into the lot at TM. The fact that Tig had been hell bent on keeping her away from his brothers didn't help matters. She had no intention of hanging around, she'd just drop Happy off and leave. Of course she hadn't reckoned with the nosiest bunch of bikers in Christendom.

"I didn't know Happy had a woman." Bobby stood to get a better view as Happy kissed her and climbed out of the car.

Jax took a long drag on his joint. "Well that explains why he didn't need Tara round to change his dressing and shit." He got up and sauntered across the lot to introduce himself to the little blonde.

Tig rolled out from under the car his working on. "Shit." He stalked over to her, groaning as Jax approached her car and leaned into the driver's window.

"Hi, darlin'. Where's Happy been hiding you? I'm Jax, what do they call you?"

Carla gave a small smile at the cocky, blonde, pretty boy. "Hi, Jax, I'm Carla." She was aware of an agitated Tig jiggling around behind Jax, desperate to get him away from her. She leaned out of the window.

"Hey Tigger." Tig pushed Jax out of the way and pulled open her door. "Hey, Doll. Hap getting his bike?" Carla nodded, and climbed out of her car. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek. "You okay with that?"

She shrugged. "No choice, Tig. He was always gonna go back on the road."

"Stings though, don't it, Doll."

"Just don't say 'I told you so,' Okay."

Tig looked over to the picnic table where his brothers were sitting watching their exchange. "Wanna meet the guys?" Carla didn't see that she had much choice, and clearly Tig wanted to maintain some control over the situation. She sighed and trailed after him as he marched over to his brothers to make the introductions.

"So, you're living with Tig?"

Carla sighed and turned to the Scottish biker, Chibs. "I'm living at his house at the moment, I needed a place to stay and he helped me out."

Bobby's eyebrows shot up. "You telling me he isn't fucking you?"

Tig scowled. "No I aint fucking her, why don't you just back off."

Bobby chuckled and looked over to where Happy was sat warming up his bike, but decided to say nothing. In all the time she had been sitting there the girl could hardly drag her eyes away from him. No Tig wasn't fucking her, but the killer was, he'd stake his life on it.

Four days. That was how long they had together until Happy headed out to Vegas. He wasn't needed until the end of the week but because of his leg he had decided to split the journey over two days. He intended on spending the interim reacquainting himself with his Dyna and fucking Carla senseless.

Carla was just about to leave work when she heard his bike coming down Main Street. She grinned. She had been on the back of Tig's bike a few times and had loved it, but nothing compared to riding behind Happy. He had taken her out, the previous day for the first time and she was still buzzing twenty four hours later. Him fucking her up against his bike in a secluded spot by the river was just the icing on the cake.

They hadn't discussed what the future might hold, and they didn't intend to, there was no point. He would go his way and she would go hers. Carla knew the best she could hope for was that maybe from time to time, their paths would cross.

All too soon Friday came round. Carla stood, Tig's arm around her shoulder, watching Happy as he prepared to leave. She wouldn't cry. If she told herself this enough times maybe it would be true. But as he stood in front of her and lifted her chin for one final kiss, she felt her resolve crumble.

"Take care, call me if you can." She whispered blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall. Happy kissed her one last time and looked over to Tig.

"Don't need to tell you to look after her." He brushed a tear from her cheek. "Be good. See ya, Girl." He gunned the engine and pulled of the driveway.

Tig pushed himself off the wall and pulled her into his arms. "It's not forever, Doll, he'll be back."

* * *

"I don't see why you can't live in Charming and commute." Tig whined "C'mon, Doll, Every place we've seen is fucking awful." Carla sighed, Tig had a point. She wasn't giving up though.

"Lets just take a look at this one, at least the area is good, and if I get that bar job, it's just round the corner." The studio was above a small deli and overlooked a park. It was small but well appointed and even Tig had to agree it was the best they'd seen. But the fact was, he didn't want her to go.

For the first time in more years than he could remember he was more than just 'Tig Trager, sergeant at arms.' All people ever saw was Clay Morrow's pit bull, the trigger boy. He loved the club, loved his brothers, but he needed more. When Carla looked at him she didn't see the sick, deviant who hurt people on command. She saw a good man who'd saved her. She made him feel good about himself and that was a feeling he didn't want to give up.

If Carla was honest with herself, she was terrified. For the past six months he had been the constant in her life. She felt brave when he was around, she had a future, she dared to dream. He made her feel like she was worthwhile that she deserved to be loved. Those nasty little voices telling her otherwise were silent when Tig was around.

"You found a place yet girl?" Carla lay back on the bed. "Yeah I think so, Tig's not impressed though, he thinks I should stay with him."

Happy had been away just over a month and tried to call two or three times a week, just to check in.

"He wants to keep you safe, harder to do if you're in Galt."

She laughed. "Safe from what, Hap? I've got my gun, I'll just blow any attackers away."

"They better stand still then, or you'll never hit 'em."

* * *

Carla sat in the class and looked around at her classmates. She was easiest the oldest student there by at least ten years but she didn't care. She had a dream and this was her first step. If she worked hard, she would be able to start university in a year. She wasn't stupid, she knew that now and if every thing went to plan, by the time she was thirty five, she'd be starting a new career and would never need anyone to take care of her ever again.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Carla was exhausted, working four evenings a week plus weekends on top of studying full time was beginning to take it out of her. It was worth it though, she was able to pay her rent and all her bills and still have some savings left over.

The bar was always quiet in the early evenings so she used the time to get her homework done. Danny, her boss was a real sweetie, he always gave her plenty of hours and never minded her doing schoolwork in work time. All in all, everything was going really well. She was a little lonely, though. She missed Tig and, even after two months, thinking about Happy hurt more than she cared to admit.

"Dying of thirst, here, Doll."

"Tig!" Carla threw herself into his arms. Laughing, he swept her off her feet and burrowed his face in her hair. "It's so good to see you, Doll." She looked over to Danny, who rolled his eyes.

"Go, I can manage."

Tig had paid Danny a visit shortly after she had gone in looking for work. He had made it clear how important it was for her to have as much work as she wanted, and how the club would appreciate the favour. The bankroll that Tig had given him was a good incentive and also guaranteed that Carla would never hear of their little chat. She had turned out to be a good reliable worker. She was popular with the customers and gave him no reason to regret taking her on, so he didn't begrudge her having a little time off.

Carla and Tig sat wrapped in each others arms. The pizza and beers were finished and the movie was coming to an end. Times like this were precious to both of them. She knew that he had a lot of shit going on with the club and she was swamped with work but spending time together relaxed them. They didn't need to discus stuff, they just held each other until the tension eased.

"You spoke to Happy, Doll?"

"Yeah, last week. He's hoping to come by at the end of the month."

"You still miss him?" Carla didn't want to talk about Happy. She was beginning to regret ever getting involved with him. No matter how hard she tried to push him out of her head, he wouldn't leave. Every time she thought she was starting to move on, he would call and she was back to square one again.

Tig kissed her forehead. Yeah she still missed him.

He had been worried that Happy wouldn't bother to contact her. He knew that Happy had an ability to compartmentalize and despite his reassurances that he liked the girl, Tig doubted Carla figured much in Happy's life, so hearing that he had spoken to her made him feel a little happier.

He still wanted to keep her away from the club, she didn't deserve to be passed around among the patches and being an old lady was even tougher. He didn't want her ending up bitter like Donna, or a junkie like Wendy. She wasn't hard like Gemma, the croweaters would eat her alive. Not that he saw Happy ever taking an old lady, he was all about the club and his first love would always be the road. No woman could even come close.

* * *

Happy rode through Galt, scanning the road signs, looking for her street. It surprised him just how excited he was to see the girl. She had managed to worm her way under his skin and had lodged herself into his cold heart.

In the months he had been away from her, he must have fucked dozens of women. Carla wasn't the most beautiful, nor did she have the most perfect body. Many of the women he'd been with were more skilled, but there was something about her that put her above all of them. If he were asked, he wouldn't be able to give an answer. Maybe it was the fact that she genuinely wanted to be with him. She wasn't just looking to bag a Son, she just wanted Happy Lowman, the man. He liked the fact that she was quiet, he couldn't stand mouthy women. She didn't flatter him or try to tell him what she thought he wanted to hear and when she came, sobbing in his arms, or screamed his name he knew she wasn't faking.

The girl was waiting for him as he dismounted, she didn't run into his arms but waited for him to come to her.

"Hey, girl." Happy brought his mouth down to hers and kissed her hard, his hand fisting in her hair. Carla moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck, her teeth grazing his lips. He lifted her up and with her legs wrapped round his waist, carried her to her apartment. He'd thought he'd wanted to fuck her hard, but this was making love, gentle and slow. He wanted to savour her, to reacquaint himself with every aspect of her. The way she tasted, how she felt underneath him. Maybe this was how it felt to be in love. Happy pushed the thought away. This wasn't love, it was lust, pure and simple.

Carla couldn't get enough of him. She wanted to feel all of him, to taste him. They only had one day, then he'd be gone again. She had to make this moment count, who knew when they'd be together again. Carla was quickly learning that when it came to Happy, she had to treat every moment like it was their last. She loved how he kissed her, how hard his body felt under her hands. She loved it when he fucked her hard and she loved it when he made love to her, slow and gentle. Carla knew that she was in love with him. She wouldn't tell him, not wanting to freak him out, but she wouldn't deny herself those feelings. She hated being away from him. But being with him was the best feeling in the world.

* * *

Carla was running late, she'd spent longer at the library than she'd planned. Happy had stayed an extra day and she hadn't got any schoolwork done. She had less than half an hour to get home and changed before starting work. Grabbing her cell, she called Danny to warn him she may be late. In her rush to get to her car she didn't recognize the black jeep belonging to her ex boss parked right next to hers.

Rene nearly didn't recognize Carla as she rushed past. It wasn't just that the girl had gained weight and got herself a decent haircut. It was the way she carried herself. The Carla she knew was a timid, mousey little thing who kept her eyes downcast. She had often wondered what Ted had seen in her. This Carla, however walked confidently laughing into her cell as she climbed into her car. Rene wondered briefly if the change was down to her getting away from Ted, but she quickly dismissed the idea. Ted had done everything for the girl, he'd told her enough times and he was devastated when she left him, even now he was drinking too much and not taking proper care of himself.

She waited until Carla's car pulled out of the lot and slowly followed until she saw her park up and unlock a door next to a small deli.

Ted woke to the sound of his phone ringing. He checked the ID and contemplated ignoring it. Rene had been pushing to move in with him since Carla had gone, but there was no way that was going to happen. The bitch was a good fuck and was generous with her cash, but she'd never do as she was told like Carla would. He sighed and picked up, she'd just keep ringing till he did. "What?"

"Hi honey, guess who I've just seen. That little ex of yours, strutting round Galt like she owns the place." Ted sat up, his hangover forgotten. "You got an address?"

"Sure have, Honey."

Carl heaved a huge sigh of relief as the last customer left the bar. She hadn't stopped all night and all she wanted to do was climb into her bed and sleep. She collected the last of the glasses and wiped down the bar.

"Hey Danny, I'm done. I'm gonna head off home now, I'll see you tomorrow."

Ted watched as she walked slowly to her apartment. He climbed out of his car, closing the door as quietly as he could, he didn't want to alert her, and walked quickly up to her as she searched through her purse for her key.

Where the hell were her keys? Carla was so busy hunting through her purse that she failed to notice Ted behind her. She gave a small scream as he slammed her up against the wall, forcing the breath from her.

"I knew I'd find you, bitch." He growled. "Did you really think I wouldn't come after you." He grabbed her hair, pulling her backwards towards he car.

She had to get away. Kicking her leg behind her, she made contact with his kneecap. He roared in pain and let go of her hair. Carla ran towards her apartment, almost managing to get the door closed before he barged in, knocking her onto the stairs. She scrambled away from him, managing to get almost to the top of the stairs as he caught up with her, backhanding her, sending her flying across the room. He was going to kill her, he loomed over her and kicked her hard in the ribs, before pulling her to her feet by her hair and slamming her into the cooker. She reached behind her and as he pulled his fist back to punch her again, her fingers closed around the handle of her frying pan. She swung it round, grunting as it connected with the side of his head, knocking him out, cold. Sobbing, she scrambled over her bed to the dresser where she kept her gun.

He had to die, he wouldn't ever leave her alone. She pointed her gun to where he lay moaning and with shaking hands she slid the safety off.


	9. Chapter 9

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

All she had to do was squeeze the trigger and it would be all over. Carla's heart was beating so hard she swore she could hear it.

She could hear Happy's voice in her head. "Feet apart, don't grip too tight, squeeze gently, keep your body relaxed." But her finger wouldn't move, she couldn't do it.

She slid the safety back on and grabbing a kitchen knife and hurried down the stairs, her breath coming in short, sobbing gasps. Once outside she ran over to Ted's truck and plunged the knife into his tires.

She had to get to Charming, to Tig. He would keep her safe. Happy was in Tacoma and she didn't think she could drive that far, even if she wanted to, the sharp stabbing pain in her chest telling her she had at least one broken rib.

Words could not describe the relief Carla felt as she pulled into the TM lot. Each breath was more painful than the last and her vision was so blurred she was amazed she hadn't run anyone down. She pulled herself out of her car a staggered towards the clubhouse, praying someone was there. Tig's house was all the way across town and she really didn't think she would make it.

Tig was sitting at the bar with Chibs when the door swung open and Carla staggered inside. He was on his feet and across the room, the second he laid eyes on her.

"Shit, doll." He gathered her into his arms, horrified at her swollen face. She was losing consciousness, her eyes rolling in her head and her breathing shallow.

"Chibs get over here." Tig gently laid her on the pool table.

"Carla, baby. C'mon doll. Open your eyes." It took a gargantuan effort, but she managed to open her eyes. "Tig, can't breathe." She whispered.

Chibs pulled up her blouse. "Sweet Jesus, Tig you'd better call an ambulance." He ran his hand gently across the boot shaped bruise on her chest. "She got a couple of broken ribs an' I think one might've perforated her lung." He checked her pulse, it was racing and her lips were starting to go blue. Chibs turned to Tig who was just staring at her. "Tig! We need to get her to the hospital, now!"

Tig picked her up and started for the door. "We'll take her in the van, quicker than waiting for an ambulance."

Chibs ran through the hospital, grabbing a gurney and yelling for a doctor as Tig gently lifted her out of the van. Her breathing was so shallow, he could hardly hear it and her pulse fluttered in her neck. "C'mon, Doll, stay with me." He whispered as she was taken from him and whisked away.

"We'll take care of her now. Why don't you come with me and you can give me her details." Tig barely registered the nurse standing next to him. He just stood watching as they pushed Carla away. Chibs gently touched his shoulder. "Go with the nurse, brother." Tig nodded and turned to Chibs, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

"Call Hap, he needs to be here." He turned on his heel and followed the nurse down the corridor.

Carla woke to the sound of snoring, she turned and gasped as a sharp pain radiated across her chest. She pulled the oxygen mask away from her face. "Tig?"

Tig woke with a grunt. "Hey Doll." He leaned over and stroked her hair. "Don't you ever scare me like that again." He gently took her hand. "Do I have to ask who did this?" Carla shut her eyes. "I don't know how he found me. He forced his way into my apartment, I thought he was gong to kill me."

"How'd you get away?"

"I hit him with a frying pan, knocked him out, punctured his tires and you know the rest."

Tig nodded. "Get some sleep, Doll, Happy will be here in the morning, we can talk then."

When she opened her eyes again, it was Happy sitting in the chair and he looked pissed. "Care to explain to me why that arsehole isn't dead?"

"Hi Hap, I'm feeling much better, thanks for asking."

Happy scowled. "You a fucking comedian now? Why the fuck do you think I gave you that gun? Were you even carrying it?"

"I tried, Happy, I really did. I just couldn't pull the trigger. I'm not you, I'm not a killer."

"What, you better than me, is that it?"

"No, that's not what I meant. He was unconscious, that's not self defence, that's cold blooded murder."

"And when he comes after you again?"

"I'll move, change colleges."

"How many times?"

She was getting pissed now. "I don't know. How is this my fault, Hap?" She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

Happy sighed. "You just lay there and play the little victim, girl." Carla pulled herself up, gritting her teeth against the burning in her chest. "You really are a piece of work, Happy Lowman. I'm sorry if I'm such a disappointment to you. I'm sure there are plenty of hard arsed women out there who you can fuck, so how about you jump on your little motorbike and go find one."

Happy jumped to his feet and leaned over her, his nose inches from hers. "You're on dangerous territory, girl, I suggest you button that lip of yours." Carla looked into his eyes, never flinching, "You wanna hit me, Hap? Go right ahead, In aint exactly in a position to defend myself." She sighed. "Guess I really am a terrible judge of character after all."

Happy pushed himself away from her and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Tig pushed himself away from the wall and followed his brother as he marched down the corridor, his face like thunder. He'd heard their exchange and was prepared to step in if things got out of hand, although he never thought for one moment Happy would hit her. He had too much self control for that.

Happy sat on the wall outside, smoking a cigarette. "He's just gonna keep on coming after her, bro. Why the fuck didn't she take him out when she had the chance?"

"Aint who she is Hap." Tig lit his own cigarette. He wouldn't say anything to Happy, but he was glad the girl hadn't pulled the trigger. Killing always came with a price. He knew from bitter experience, the girl didn't deserve that.

Happy rubbed his hands over his head. "I shouldn't have lost it with her, but I'm freaking out here." Tig patted him on the shoulder. "She's gonna be fine, man."

Happy stood and stalked over to his bike. "Gonna take a ride, need to clear my head."

"Just don't do anything stupid, bro."

Tig plonked himself on her bed. "Hap's pissed with you."

"No shit. Maybe he's right, I was just to much of a pussy to finish it." She looked at her hands. "This life you lead, I can't be part of it. I'm not tough enough."

"Don't mistake cold heartedness with toughness, Doll. You're plenty tough enough. You knocked that fat motherfucker out and slashed his tires, all with a punctured lung. You did what you had to do to get away. It aint tough to kill a defenceless man, even if he is a snivelling piece of shit. It's cold, and you don't wanna be cold doll. Trust me on that."

Happy parked his bike outside Carla's and headed inside. There was no sign of Ted but there was plenty of evidence of the fight that had taken place, judging by the amount of blood over the floor, she had hit Ted pretty hard. Happy frowned, maybe he had been too hard on the girl.

There was nothing he could do here, so he headed out to his bike and rode out towards Lodi and parked just out of sight of Ted's house. After just over an hour there was still no sign of Ted's truck so Happy decided to call it a night and go back to Charming.

Carla was going to stay at Tig's. There was no way he was going to let her go home until he knew where that fat shit was. Happy was still in Charming, but she hadn't seen him. She felt she had let him down and knew he was disappointed with her. Carla guessed that was why he was avoiding her.

Tig held her arm as she slowly made her way to his house. He couldn't help but worry about her. She had come such a long way only to have all her confidence taken away again, but it wasn't Ted that had caused her to shrink back into herself, but Happy. No matter how many times he told her otherwise, she didn't feel she measured up.

Despite his best efforts, Happy couldn't locate Ted. He hadn't been home or had gone to work and there was no record of him in any of the hospitals he'd checked. He'd been too hard on the girl and he would make that right the only way he knew how.

Carla was sitting in Tig's back yard enjoying the sun when Happy walked round the house. He frowned, Tig was right, she was hurting and it had nothing to do with the attack.

"Hey, Girl." He sat down next to her. "Been looking for the fat arsehole, wondered if you'd know where he's at."

"Why do you want to find him?" Carla knew the answer before she even asked.

"Can't kill him if I can't find him, girl."

"I don't want you to kill him, Hap." She slipped her hand into his, their fingers entwined. "I know what you do for the club, you're a solder, that's your role and I'm okay with that. But I don't want you to kill for me."

"Why do you care what happens to him? He nearly killed you, could do it again. What about your plans?"

"I don't care what happens to him, but two wrongs don't make a right.

I only have a couple of months before I can start university. I'm planning to go to New York. I want to be a photographer, to have a career, have a good life. I don't think that will happen with a death hanging over me."

She sighed. "I had hoped that maybe you and me could have a future together, but I know now, that isn't going to happen. Our lives are too different."

Happy pushed himself to his feet and starting pacing round the yard. The bitch was actually dumping him. He couldn't quite get his head round what she was saying. Never, in all his years, had a woman finished with him.

"Tig know 'bout all these grand plans of yours." She nodded and he rolled his eyes. Of course he did. He was probably the one pushing her to get as far away from the club as possible.

"Well you obviously don't need any input from me. Have a nice life." He turned and stalked away, leaving her staring after him.

"Hey, Doll. I'm guessing that you told Happy all about your plans, judging by his mood when he came to the clubhouse earlier." Carla rested her head on Tig's shoulder. "He had to find out sooner or later. It was never going to happen between him and me." Tig kissed her forehead. "You're doing the right thing, Doll. Happy will get over it, you just hurt his pride, that's all."

Tig knew he would miss Carla, he had grown really fond of her in the short time he had known her. But the further away from the club she was, the happier he would be. ATF had been sniffing round their asses and the bitch running the show had a habit of going after the women. There was shit going down with the Mayans as well and he had a horrible feeling it was all gonna blow up soon. He loved the club, it was his whole life, but he knew that the life took it's toll on those associated with it. The girl sitting next to him had put up with enough shit to last her a lifetime, she could do with a break and she wouldn't get it in Charming.


	10. Chapter 10

I don't own sons of anarchy

Tig looked over to the girl sitting in the passenger seat. Neither had spoken for the entire journey and now, suddenly, as they pulled into the airport car park, there seemed so much he wanted to say. He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat.

Carla gave a small smile as she glanced over at Tig. "I'm going to be okay."

"I know, Doll." Tig kept his eyes on the road, reluctant to look into her eyes. "Just don't forget me when you're a high flying photographer."

She reached out and touched his hand. "I could never forget you, Tig. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here."

They walked slowly towards the airport, her hand in his. Even without his cut, there was an aura of danger about Tig. It was the way he carried himself. He was sure of himself without being cocky. He didn't strut and swagger but stalked, cat like, always watchful, completely aware of his surroundings at all times. Carla couldn't help but feel safe when standing next to him.

They had waited for her flight to be announced in silence, lost in their own thoughts, not even able to look at each other for fear that their emotions would overpower them. But now as the final call was made, they had to say goodbye.

Carla wrapped her arms round him and burrowed her face into his chest. "I'll call you as soon as I land." Tig nodded and with a quick kiss on her forehead, he turned and quickly walked away.

It wasn't until the plane was in the air that Carla allowed the tears to fall. She had leant on Tig an awful lot over the last few months. Ted's attack had shaken her more than she cared to admit.

But it was losing Happy that had ripped out her heart. It may have been at her instigation but it didn't make it any less painful. The day after she had told him that they didn't have a future together, he had climbed on his bike and headed back to Tacoma, never looking back.

Carl had never wanted to fall in love with him. She knew he was a cold man, but there had been moments, tiny glimpses of a man with feelings that had made her believe that maybe he was capable of loving her back. She had been wrong, she knew that now. Maybe she was just too fucked up, had misread his acts of kindness for something more.

Tig had told her again, and again that this wasn't her fault and with his support she had been able to move on with her life. It still stung, but it no longer crippled her. She took a deep breath and roughly wiped away her tears. A whole new life was waiting for her and although she was nervous, she fully intended to grab it with both hands.

Tig sat in her car and leaning back against the headrest, closed his eyes.

He was so proud of her. That little girl had exceeded all his expectations. Despite everything life threw at her, she refused to let it stop her following her dream. He was going to miss her though. So very much.

He couldn't deny he was glad when Happy left Charming. He loved his brother but he was no good for Carla and although she was devastated when he left, Tig knew she'd get over it. If Happy had told her to stay she would've and her undoubted talent would have gone to waste. Carla's pictures were all over his walls, she had an ability to capture something hidden in her subjects that no one else could see. Tig was sure that with training she was going to be world class and nobody had the right to stand in her way.

Happy leaned on the bar in the Tacoma clubhouse a large glass of JD in front of him, listening to the rain drumming on the roof. The girl was flying to New York today. The bitch was tough, she'd proven that, time and again. He had been beyond pissed when she'd finished with him but in the cold light of day, after he calmed down, he knew she was right. He missed her though, much to his surprise. He raised his glass in a silent toast to the little girl who had crawled under his skin and won his heart.

* * *

Carla walked across the campus car park, discussing her plans for the evening with her classmates. She had been in New York for a little over a week. It was her second day at university, and she knew she'd made the right choice, the course looked both challenging and exciting. Her classmates were young and most seemed to have had a privileged upbringing and, despite the fact they made her feel about a hundred years old, seemed nice enough. One of her new friends stopped dead in her tracks, a look of horror on her face as three Sons pulled in and parked their Harleys just inside the entrance. Carla's eyes widened as the lead rider took of his helmet and looked over. He was bald, like Happy, but that was where the similarity ended. Unlike Happy who was lean and fine featured, this guy was heavy set with a scarred face that looked like he'd gone several rounds with Tyson but when his eyes met hers, they were kind and Carla didn't hesitate as she approached him.

"Tig called you, didn't he?"

"He sure did, sugar. I'm Johnny, Samyork Sergeant at Arms. Tig asked me to look out for you." He handed her a piece of paper with a number on it. "I aint gonna interfere in your life, sugar, but if there's anything you need, you can call me. Tig's an old friend and he's vouched for you." He reached out and touched her cheek. "Gotta say though, the picture he sent doesn't do you justice."

Carla smiled. "Thanks, Johnny, I think I'll be okay."

"I'm sure you will, sugar. Take care." He turned to his companions. "Okay fellas, lets roll." They gunned their engines and roared off down the road leaving Carla staring after them with a smirk on her face.

"You know those people?"

"Never met them before in my life. If you could excuse me I gotta make a call."

"Hey Doll." Tig walked out of the bay and into the relative quiet of the lot.

"Tig, while I appreciate your concern for me, I'm not sure that being accosted by three burly bikers is going to go down too well with my new classmates."

"Ah, you've met Johnny then. Scary looking motherfucker aint he?"

"I'm sure he's just the person I need to watch my back if I ever get in a gun fight or something, although I'm having trouble seeing how much help he'll be in the university canteen."

"He'd get you to the front of the queue, Doll."

"True. I think I'm going to be okay though, Tig. Please stop worrying about me."

"Don't think I can do that Doll. Take care, I'll speak to you soon." Tig walked back to the car he was working on. He was relieved that she wasn't too pissed with him. She wouldn't be happy with him interfering but he needed to reassure himself that she was going to be okay and the only way he could think of doing that, was by having a Son watch her back.

Johnny Smitt sat idly in the Jersey clubhouse watching the stripper and listening with half an ear to the conversation his brothers were having when his cell rang. "Hello?"

"Johnny? Hi, It's Carla."

"Hey sugar, what can I do for you?"

"I'm not sure if I should be asking you this, but I need some badass models and I was wondering if some of you guys would volunteer." Johnny roared with laughter. "Well you don't get any more badass than us, sugar. I'll put it to the guys and get back to you on that."

The photoshoot was an absolute scream. Carla couldn't remember when she had laughed so much. Using the Sons as models for her project turned out to be an act of genius and she couldn't be happier with the end result. The guys looked tough and mean, but she managed to capture their humanity which was the most important thing.

Juice opened the e mail from Samyork and chuckled. "Hey Tig, Looks like Hap's girl has been busy, come an' look at this."

Tig scowled and smacked the intelligence officer around the head. "She aint Hap's girl, idiot." His annoyance was instantly forgotten as he gazed at the pictures Johnny had sent. The girl really was very good.

Things were turning to shit with the club and Happy had to agree with Tig as he looked over his shoulder at her pictures, that the fact that Carla was on the other side of the country was a huge relief. He had just got in to Charming and immediately his particular skills were in demand. The atmosphere at the club was tense. ATF were sniffing round their asses, Clay, the president was becoming increasingly paranoid and Jax wasn't helping, undermining practically every decision Clay made. Happy hated to see his brothers at each others throats. The Sons were a family and they only really functioned when they pulled together and he knew, in his gut that if they didn't get their shit together someone was going get seriously hurt.


	11. Chapter 11

I don't really want to follow the original story line too much. I will be touching on certain events if I feel they impact directly on my OC but in general this fic is AU (ish)

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Tig couldn't stand to look at his reflection. His forehead smashed against the mirror but it did nothing to ease his pain, to take away his guilt. He closed his eyes and the image of Donna, her head against the steering wheel, her lifeless eyes staring accusingly, blood pooling on her forehead, flashed into his mind. He'd killed her, his brother's wife, the innocent mother of two young children. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He was a monster. A cowardly monster who was too scared to look his brother in the eye when he shot him, choosing instead to shoot him from behind. Except it wasn't Opie, it was Donna driving that truck. All for a lie. He felt sick, his guts twisted up inside. Nothing he said or did could change what he'd done.

His cell was ringing. It was Carla. Tig stared at the display unable to pick up. How could he talk to her, pretend everything was fine. She'd hear it in his voice, she knew him too well. But the worst thing was, that if he confessed, she'd still be there for him. She'd be shocked but she'd not give up on him. He sighed, he no longer had any right to her friendship.

* * *

Carla was starting to worry. She had been trying to call Tig for the past three days. It wasn't like him not to answer and she was starting to think something was seriously wrong.

The taxi pulled up outside of Johnny's rambling old house and she trotted to the front door and knocked loudly. The door was opened by a tousle haired eight year old boy. "Hi mikey, is your mom around?"

"She's resting, Rhoda's here though." Carla followed the boy into the kitchen. "Hey Rhoda, is April okay? Mikey said she was resting." The older woman gave a small shake of her head. "She aint doing too good, today, she is awake though, why don't you go in and see her." Carla nodded and crossing the hall entered a downstairs bedroom where laying on a king sized bed was April Smitt, Johnny's old lady.

"Carla, baby. I didn't know you were coming, come here let me give you a hug." Carla climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her. "Rhoda said you aint feeling well." She settled herself against the pillows next to April.

"I'm okay, honey, just a little tired."

April was the most beautiful woman Carla had ever seen, her blonde hair and pale skin gave her an almost ethereal quality and despite the fine lines around her eyes and the sprinkling of grey in her hair she looked younger than her forty years. They had met when Johnny had asked her to take some family portraits of them and their four kids and Carla had taken an immediate liking to this astonishing woman. The accident that had scarred Johnny's face so badly had left April paralyzed from the chest down when Mikey was only six months old. Yet there was no trace of bitterness or self pity and even now, with her kidneys failing, she was always smiling and all she asked was that she live long enough to see her kids grow up.

Carla had never seen a couple more in love than Johnny and April. Even after twenty years, he was completely devoted to her and she to him. It made what she had with Happy pale into insignificance, although April told her that she shouldn't think like that.

"So you going to tell me why you're here, honey?"

"Do I have to have to have a reason to want to spend time with my bestie?"

"You do when you have a class. C'mon, spill what's got you all twisted up?" Cara sighed and looked over at the woman who, in the last few months, had become her best friend and confidant.

"Tig's not picking up his phone. I'm probably overreacting, but he always gets back to me if he can't answer and I just can't shake the feeling that something's wrong." April dragged herself into a more upright position, grunting with the effort. "Johnny's on a run, he wont be back till tomorrow. Do you want me to call him, see if anything's gone down in Charming?" Carla shook her head. "No it can wait, I'm just being stupid."

She snuggled closer to her friend. "Is Rhoda staying with you tonight?"

April shook her head. "Lacy will be home at four, I'll be fine."

"I'll stay, Lacy's cooking is awful, the kids need something decent inside them." April chuckled. Carla was right, her eldest's cooking skills left a lot to be desired. She didn't like to ask too much of Rhoda, who already did way more than her job description stated.

"Thanks honey, me and the kids really appreciate it." She laid back and closed her eyes.

Carla kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep, we'll talk later."

"Hey." April opened her eyes as Carla walked through the door. "You could always call Happy."

"That is such a bad idea. Get some sleep."

When Johnny arrived home the following evening, he found Carla pulling a casserole out of the oven.

"Hey sugar." As she put the dish on the side, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, for this."

She patted him on the chest. "Anytime, you know that."

He ambled into the living room, where April sat playing cards with Mikey and Joe. He frowned, she looked pale and he could tell by her the creases round her mouth that she was in pain. But as she looked at him, her face lit up and she stretched out her arms.

"Hey baby." Johnny crouched down in front of her, cupped her face in his hands and gently kissed her. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Carla's been taking care of me."

"She's a good girl."

"I need you to reach out to Charming, she's worried about Tig."

"No need, I spoke to Jax yesterday. Opie's old lady was shot in a drive by. Everything's gone to shit. Tig's probably got too much on his plate, I'll call him, get him to ring her."

"Oh my God, that's awful, poor Opie. Didn't they have a couple of kids?"

"I think so, I don't really know him, don't think I ever met his old lady. But something like this can rip a charter apart." He ran his fingers through her hair. "If something like that were to happen to you…" He rested his head on her lap, unable to continue.

Carla leaned on the door frame watching Johnny and April. She wondered idly if she would ever be lucky enough to have a relationship like theirs.

"I'm going to head home, if that's okay with you guys, I've got a bunch of work waiting for me."

Johnny walked with her to the door. "I spoke to Jax the other day. Donna was killed in a drive by. I'm sorry, sugar, there aint an easy way to tell you."

"I didn't really know her, Johnny, never had much to do with the club. Is Tig okay, I haven't been able to get a hold of him."

"As far as I know, Jax didn't mention him." He squeezed her hand. "Tig's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

She nodded. "Will you be going to the funeral?"

"Not sure, the charter will be represented. I guess a couple of guys will fly out, not enough time to ride across country." He looked back to the living room. "Don't want to leave her."

"I'll take care of her Johnny, she wont be left alone."

"You're a good girl, sugar."

* * *

The mood at the clubhouse was somber as the charters from all over the country gathered to accompany the casket to the cemetery. Johnny stood and looked across the lot as a prospect wheeled a bike over. He nodded his thanks, his eyes still scanning the lot until they fell on Tig, leaning on his Dyna, talking to Clay. He walked towards him.

"Hey brother." Tig looked up and embraced his old friend.

"Johnny, man. Good to see you. How's the family? April?"

Johnny shrugged and looked at the ground. "She's fading away, right under my eyes. Doc's talking 'bout dialysis." He blinked. "It's killing me, brother."

Tig nodded. "Carla taking care of her?"

"Yeah, she's a great girl. You should call her, she's worried about you."

"I know, I will when things calm down. Shit's been crazy here." Johnny looked at Tig. His face was beat up, that in itself wasn't unusual. But his eyes were haunted. He didn't know what was going on, but something was very wrong with Tig.

Carla's instincts were right.

Happy sat a short distance away watching Tig and Johnny. He'd heard that Carla and Johnny's old lady had got close and he fought the urge to go over and ask how she was. The bitch had moved on, most likely forgotten all about him and he should stop acting like a pussy and do the same.


	12. Chapter 12

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

It was a beautiful California afternoon as Carla pulled into the TM lot. She loved New York but she didn't love the weather. She looked over to where the guys were working, the sounds of power tools and music drifted over to her. Taking a deep breath she headed towards them.

Tig was going to be pissed, he'd told her to stay away. That he was fine and there was no reason for her to be there. Johnny, however had told her different. Tig needed a friend, a sympathetic ear. Someone not involved in the club. The pressure inside him was too great. Anyone could see that, and without a safety valve, he was going to blow. Johnny didn't fully understand the dynamics of Tig and Carla's relationship, but he knew they cared about each other. The rest of the Redwood charter were too wrapped in their own shit to see what was going on with Tig. It would have to be Carla who put him right.

Tig looked up from the bike he was working on.

"Shit, What the fuck is she doing here?" He marched over to her. He was so going to give her a piece of his mind. She threw herself into his arms and he hugged her tightly. He'd yell in a minute.

"I had to come. Johnny said you were having a rough time and, well, I missed you."

"I missed you too doll, but you shouldn't have come. It's not safe in Charming right now." It was bullshit, she knew. This was about Tig. She had seen it as soon as she'd laid eyes on him. Something was very wrong.

"Let me get cleaned up and we'll get outta here." Tig pushed her gently against her hire car. "Wait there."

Gemma wasn't impressed. She looked out of the office window. "You've got work to do Tig. You can't just leave it cos some little tart has turned up looking for a bit of Tigger love."

"Aint like that, Gem. She's a friend, just got in from New York. I just wanna spend some time with her."

"You don't have friends Tig. You have your brothers and whores. How come I've never seen her before?"

"She's not anything to do with the club, okay." Tig was starting to get pissed. He turned to leave.

"Hey, aint that Happy's girl?" Bobby walked into the office, a joint hanging out of his mouth.

"She aint Happy's girl." Tig growled, snatching the joint and storming out of the office.

"Nothing to do with the club. Huh." Gemma rolled her eyes as she watched Tig march over to his bay, ripping his work shirt off as he went.

They had been riding for an hour, both relishing the feeling of freedom as Tig's bike hugged the highway and the feeling of closeness they so desperately needed before they got into the heavy conversations they both knew were coming. Tig turned up a narrow tree lined track and stopped by a picnic area next to a river. The place was deserted, it looked like it had been forgotten a long time ago.

Tig sat on the grass and watched as Carla pulled off her shoes and paddled in the shallow water. She looked so young as she stood there, her lips turned up in a small smile. He knew that he'd been lying to himself when he'd said he wanted her as far away from the club and him as possible. If that were true, he would have severed all contact. Wouldn't have had Johnny look out for her. He did want her to have a good life. But he was selfish, he couldn't quite let her go.

Carla looked up, her eyes meeting his. Her smile widened as she walked back up the shallow bank and threw herself onto the ground next to him.

"Whatever it is that's going on in your head, Tig, you can tell me." She laid back, her head in his lap. "I'm not promising that I wont freak out, but I will always stand by you."

Tig leaned back, resting on his elbows. She knew. She was just waiting for him to tell her.

"I'm a bad person, Doll, worse than bad. I don't deserve to have you at my side. I'm a monster, just walk away and don't look back."

"Tig, I know what you are, and I think I know what you've done. It's eating you up inside, I can see that. I don't need details but you need to talk about this. If not to me, to someone. You can't keep this bottled up. Please Tig, you can trust me, let me take some of that burden."

"I can't talk about this to anyone. I wanna, but it would be dangerous for you. If Clay found out..."

Carla stood up and waved her arms around her. "There's no one else here, Tig. This is about trust. I trusted you when you took me away from Ted. Now I'm asking you to trust me."

"I do trust you. I'm just scared I'm gonna lose you. That you wont be able to stand to be near me."

Carla knelt down and took his hands in hers. "This is about Donna. I'm right aren't I?" When he said nothing, she continued. "I don't think you, or any of the Sons are into killing innocent women. So I'm guessing this was a mistake. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you, for one moment, thought she deserved what happened to her, you wouldn't be beating yourself up like this." She laid her hand across his cheek and kissed him gently. "No one knows, do they?"

Tig shook his head. "Clay does and Jax suspects but that's it." He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "And you."

"Does that mean you have to take me out?"

"Not even remotely funny, Doll." He laid back and she nestled on his chest. "How can you stand to be near me?"

"You're my friend, I love you." She raised herself up so she could look into his eyes. "You cared when nobody else did. I'm just returning the favour."

The diner was empty as Tig and Carla ate their burgers, the air still heavy between them.

Carla reached over and touched his fingertips. "I just want you to be okay, Tig."

"I will doll. Knowing you don't hate me, helps."

"I could never hate you."

Tig stared out of the window. "Will you sleep with me tonight?"

Carla's jaw dropped. "Um, I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Yeah, stupid idea, forget I ever mentioned it."

Tig wanted to explain that this wasn't about sex. He just thought if she was there it would keep the nightmares at bay. Carla moved round the table so she was sitting next to him.

"Are things really that bad." He nodded. He couldn't keep anything from her. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Okay, but no funny business."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Don't push your luck, Tigger."

When he woke the next morning, Tig felt lighter. He was enough of a realist to know that one conversation with the little girl laying next to him was going to solve everything. But he'd had a good, dreamless sleep and she didn't hate him. So, yeah, he felt better. He got up, padded to the kitchen and started hunting round in the cupboards for food.

A pair of arms snaked round his waist. "I haven't lived here for nearly a year, there wont be any food."

He turned and kissed the top of her head. "Never slept with a woman and not fucked her before."

"Not even your ex?"

"We were married, don't count." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his jaw. "I'm gonna take a shower, then we can go get something to eat."

"You sure you don't want me to join you?"

"Tigger. Just don't."

Happy sat on the sofa in the clubhouse, a blonde pressing herself up against him.

"Hey man." Bobby sat heavily next to him. "You seen anything of that little girl of yours?"

"Aint got no girl, bro. What you talking about?"

"Little blonde, luscious lips, nice rack. Went off on Tig's bike yesterday."

"Carla?"

"Yeah that's the one."

Carla was here? Happy stood abruptly and dumped the blonde onto the floor, nor even registering her presence. He flipped open his cell.

"Is she there?"

"Hey, Hap. I take it you've been talking to Bobby."

"Is she there?"

Tig handed his cell to Carla. "Talk to him."

"Is he pissed?"

"Happy's always pissed. Talk to him."

"Hey Hap. What's up?"

"Wanna see you."

"Why?"

"You at Tig's? I'll pick you up there." He hung up without giving her the chance to argue and strutted to his bike.

"Stop pacing, Doll, you'll wear out the carpet."

"I can't believe he thinks he can just start ordering me around like that. I haven't spoken to him for a year, and he thinks I'm just going to jump when he tells me to." She halted her pacing to check her reflection. Tig smirked. Oh she was going to jump all right. As high as Happy wanted.

"Think I'm gonna head out, got a lot on at TM." He kissed her cheek. "Make him work for it, just a little bit."

"Arsehole." Tig grinned and slapped her arse. "But you love me anyway. Later."

Carla's heart was pounding and her mouth was dry. She poured herself a glass of water and tried to compose herself. At the sound of his bike she ran to the front door and pulled it open.

Before she had the chance to speak, Happy's mouth was on hers. He pushed her up against the wall. "You want me, bitch, don't deny it." Carla's hands worked their way inside his tee shirt, her nails digging in his chest as he kissed her again, even harder than before. "Happy." she gasped and sank her teeth into his neck as he started to open her jeans. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs round his waist as he carried her to the bedroom. He dumped her unceremoniously on the bed.

"Get naked." She started to undress, her eyes never leaving his, as he did likewise. He climbed on the bed next to her and kissed her again before working his way down her body with his mouth.

"Wanna eat your pussy, open your legs." Carla wondered briefly if she should resist, make him work like Tig had said. But her body was working of it's own accord and her legs fell apart and Happy began to feast on her. She was twitching and writhing under him. God he loved it when she did that. He knew she was coming, he could feel it building up inside her. He started to suck harder on her clit, driving her crazy with the intensity of it. Her body arched and she screamed, her nails digging into his head before collapsing, gasping back onto the bed. He wasn't done with her yet. "Turn over. Get on your knees." As she complied he slipped on a condom and slammed into her, not giving her the chance to ready herself. He pounded inside her, never once easing up until, as his own climax started to build, he grabbed her hair and pulling her flush against him, he came with a roar.

The lay side by side, not touching, still breathing heavily.

"That was a shitty thing to do, Happy."

"Didn't hear you complain, Girl." He had a point. Carla turned and looked at him. God he was magnificent. "I missed you."

"Missed you too."

"Doesn't change anything."

"Didn't think it would." He turned and kissed her, gently this time. "How long before you fly back?"

"Two days."

"Best make the most of the time we have then."


	13. Chapter 13

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy.

"I knew, you'd do it." April clapped her hands. "Honey you are going to take the world by storm." Carla stopped dancing round the room long enough to hug her friend. She had just received confirmation that she had been accepted as an intern with top photographer Marcus Star.

"I still have to graduate."

"A mere formality, Honey."

"The best thing is, I get to stay with you for another six months."

Carla had moved in with April and Johnny a few months previously. It was an arrangement that suited everyone. Carla saved on rent and April had someone with her if Johnny was on a run. But best of all, was Carla felt part of a big, loving family.

She sat at April's feet, her face glowing from the heat of the roaring fire in the hearth and rested her head on her friend's knee. April had rallied recently, the new medication staving off the dreaded dyalisis. She was still weak and she tired easily but everyone was cautiously optimistic about the future. In two months Carla would graduate and begin her internship, and after that. Who knew.

The only fly in the ointment was that Happy and Tig were about to go to jail. For how long, Carla had no idea. Tig tried to reasure her that things wouldn't be as bad as she thought. She could survive without either of them, she knew that. Had done for the last year. It didn't mean she wanted to, though. She spoke to Tig at least once a week and he had flown out East to see her a couple of times. She rarely spoke to Happy, but he had turned up out of the blue a few times and they'd had a few days of mind blowing sex before he disappeared from her life again. April told her, again and again that she was selling herself short, that she deserved to be treated better, but Carla wasn't so sure. She wasn't the same, timid little girl that Tig had rescued from Ted but she still bore scars and doubted she was capable of a 'normal' relationship.

"I am so proud of you, Doll. I always knew you could do it." Tig grinned. His little girl was going places. Happy looked over. "That Carla?"

"Yeah, She starts her internship in a couple of months."

"Never was any doubt." Tig's eyebrows shot up. Happy had never discussed Carla. Tig knew that he had gone to see her a few times. But he always got the impression that the girl was just a fuck to him. A fuck so good that he was prepared to ride thousands of mile for. But a fuck, none the less.

Happy walked outside and sat at the picnic bench. He lit a cigarette and pulled out his cell. "Hey girl, congratulations. You did good."

"Hi Hap, Thanks. Listen, I er, was thinking of flying out to see you guys in a couple of days."

"Sounds like a plan, girl. Would be good to see you before we go in the slammer."

Happy was waiting for her at the airport. She didn't throw her arms round him like she would've with Tig and he didn't sweep her up into his arms. He just brought his hand round to the back of her head and grabbing her hair, pulled her head back before kissing her possessively. Without saying a word, he picked up her rucksack and headed out to his bike, not even looking back to see if she was following.

The motel was clean and comfortable, and clearly somewhere he'd used before, judging by the receptionist's greeting. Carla had hoped they would head straight to Charming, but was given no chance to protest, as the second they were in the room he began to plunder her mouth. Pressing her up against the door, he pushed his leg between her thighs, forcing them apart and thrust his hands down the front of her jeans. Happy pulled away from her long enough to undo his own jeans before grabbing hers and dragging them down round her ankles. He pushed himself inside her, not waiting to check if she was ready for him. He didn't need to, she always was. The force of his thrusts were lifting her off the ground and she whimpered in pleasure and pain. Feeling her climax build, she sank her teeth into his neck, tasting blood, causing him to thrust even harder until they could hold back no longer and they both came, collapsing in a sweaty satisfied heap on the floor. Somehow on jelly legs, they made it to the bed and lay in each others arms. Carla could feel her eyelids grow heavy and Happy was already starting to snore. Nothing had been said since she'd got off the plane. She sighed and snuggled closer, letting sleep claim her. They could talk later. They never had much to say to each other, they could express themselves better without words anyway.

The TM lot was deserted as Tig sat on the picnic table drinking a cold beer, waiting for Carla and Happy. He looked up as the sound of Happy's bike split the air as he pulled into the lot. Carla was off the bike and running towards him before Happy had even killed the engine. "Hey, Doll. Was expecting you yesterday. I guess Killa wanted you all to himself, selfish bastard." Tig wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the lips.

Happy growled and stalked over to them. One of these days he was going to bury his fist in Tig's face.

If he was honest he knew that if Carla decided she wanted to be with Tig, there was nothing he could do about it. She wasn't his old lady, didn't carry his mark. He had made no commitment to her and as far he was concerned they weren't exclusive. He wasn't sure about Carla, he liked to think that she wasn't fucking anyone else, but he wasn't in a position to complain if she was. It wasn't that he didn't care about her, it was just the call of the road was stronger and he just couldn't see himself tied to one woman. April had pointed out that he wasn't being fair to Carla, and although it wasn't something he'd wanted to hear, Happy had to admit she had a point. Sooner or later Carla was going to want more, and if she couldn't get it from him, she'd go looking elsewhere. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, what scared him more, taking an old lady or losing Carla.

Tig leaned on the bar, his arm slung loosly around Carla's shoulders as the prospect poured shots of tequila. "Tig, I'm going to get drunk, you know what a lightweight I am."

" C'mon Doll, we aint gonna get the chance to do this again for ages."

Carla swallowed "I don't want to talk about that. Fuck it, lets get smashed."

Happy slumped on the sofa watching Tig and Carla dancing, drunkenly round the clubhouse and acting like a couple of kids, his perma scowl deepening. He wasn't jealous and he wasn't sulking. If he told himself enough times, it would be true.

Carla woke fully dressed, face down on a bed in one of the dorms. She groaned as she tried to move her head. Happy turned and smirked. "Wassup, girl, don't tell me you aint feeling well."

"Fuck off Lowman." She mumbled into the pillow.

"Got no sympathy for ya, girl." Happy chuckled and slapped her ass before he headed for the shower.

Tig shuffled into the dorm, his face pale and his eyes bloodshot. He collapsed on the bed next to her. "Never drinking again."

"This is your fault, Trager. I swear I will never forgive you for this."

Tig rolled over and pulled her closer to him. "Was fun though."

When Happy came back in they were both fast asleep, wrapped in each others arms. He rolled his eyes and went in search of coffee.

"Where's your girl?" bobby handed him a mug of coffee and a muffin. Happy tilted his head towards the dorms.

"Wallowing in self pity with Tig."

Bobby laughed. "The way they were drinking last night, I doubt they'll be showing their faces any time soon." He turned back to Happy, suddenly serious. "You okay with her an' Tig?"

Happy shrugged. "She aint my old lady, she can do what she wants." He stared into his coffee. "I can't be like Tig is with her. He makes her happy. I gotta be okay with that."

It was late afternoon when Tig and Carla surfaced. They sat, huddled together on the sofa in the darkest corner of the clubhouse, eating pizza and watching some crappy cop show. They didn't talk much, not wanting to discuss the future. They just enjoyed each other's company and waited for Happy to get back from his ma's. It was a time for goodbyes and there was a poignancy to everything. Carla was looking forward to her new life but she hated the thought of leaving her old life behind. She didn't get to see Happy again before it was time to leave. His ma wasn't well and he wanted to stay with her for as long as he could. Carla understood, and pushed away the feeling that he was avoiding her.

Once back in New York. Carla's life continued apace. After graduating she immediately started her internship. She couldn't pretend she liked Marcus, he was arrogant and impatient with her. But although his work was studio based, not something she wanted to do, he was good and she was learning an awful lot. So much so that by the end of her six month placement she was confident enough to go freelance and began planning her first trip to the African continent.

April was freaking out. "We can't let her go, Johnny." She ran her hand over her aching head. "I need her here." Johnny sank to his knees in front of her. He'd never seen his wife like this. She always rolled with the punches, was upbeat and positive in the face of adversity. But as he looked at her all he could see was fear. "Whats going on with you, my love?" he stroked her face. "We always knew Carla wanted to see the world. I don't want her to go either, but we can't ask her to stay."

"What if I get sick again? As it is I'm not even strong enough to get my chair across the room." She looked up at her husband, her eyes filling with tears.

"What if I die?"

Johnny pushed himself to his feet. "Stop. I wont let you talk like this." He paced around the room, his hands on his head. "Why would you think you're gonna die?"

April stared out of the window to the garden where her two youngest boys were playing. "I wanted to live long enough to see them grow up." She shook her head. "That isn't gonna happen. I know I can't ask Carla to stay, but the thought of dying without her being around to help you and the boys freaks me out."

"I'm not having this conversation." Johnny stormed out of the house and, climbing on his Harley, he roared off down the road. He pulled up outside the studio where Carla was working on a promotional shoot for an independent film maker.

Carla turned to the sound of the door opening and looked at the stricken face of Johnny Smitt.

"Johnny?" She rushed over to him. "What's wrong." Johnny swallowed the lump in his throat, unable to speak. She took his hand. "C'mon lets get a coffee." She turned to her models. "Gonna take a break, back in fifteen."

Johnny stirred his coffee. "April's freaking out 'bout you leaving, started going on 'bout dying. I didn't handle it very well." He gave a short humourless laugh."In fact I completely freaked out."

Carla took his hand. "I'll talk to her." She gave a small smile. "Go home, johnny. Be with your wife."

Johnny nodded. "I can't stand the the thought of losing her. She's my whole life."

Carla walked with Johnny to his bike. She kissed him chastely on the lips. "She'll be fine, trust me."

She returned to the shoot, trying to put their conversation to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think of April freaking out and she refused to think of her dying. Like Johnny she just wanted to pretend that every thing was fine. That when she came back from her adventures, April would still be there.

But like Johnny she knew she was lying to herself, April wasn't fine and if she left there was a chance she'd never see her friend again.


	14. Chapter 14

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Tig sat on his bunk reading the letter from Carla. She had been in Africa for six months. She had traveled all over the continent with the charity she was working with, documenting their work.

Her letters were bright spots in his humdrum existence. He loved her descriptions of the landscapes and the pictures she sent warmed his heart.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Happy hovering around at the end of the bunk. Jesus, he'd got a letter from her too. Why'd he have to hang around while Tig read his. "I doubt she's telling me any thing that she aint telling you, bro."

"Don't give a shit what she's telling you." Happy climbed on the top bunk and laid on his back, closing his eyes. It wasn't his first prison stretch and it wasn't the longest. But it was the hardest and he had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with Carla. He was used to going for long periods without seeing her. But every so often the need to be with her would get too strong and he would climb on his bike and travel for four long days to New York to see her. He had expected to miss pussy in the can. What he hadn't expected was that it was Carla's pussy that he missed.

April folded her letter and laid her head back on the pillows, closing her eyes. Just reading wore her out.

After her melt down, Carla had been reluctant to leave and it had taken all April's powers of persuasion to convince her to go. She knew Carla had to take advantage of the opportunity given to her by the small charity. They had needed a photographer to take publicity shots of the work they were doing as part of a fund raising campaign. Carla was loving the work and getting to broaden her horizons so April didn't regret, for one second, persuading her to leave. She did miss her though.

"Hi, my love." Johnny laid on the bed next to her. "That a another letter from Carla?"

"Yeah, she's having a great time."

"She say when she's coming home?"

"No." It was barely a whisper

He took her hand, his thumb running along the inside of her wrist. She was so pale now, her skin was almost translucent. There were dark shadows under her eyes and she was losing weight at an alarming rate. He couldn't kid himself any more, every day she grew a little weaker. She was dying right in front of his eyes.

Johnny gently kissed her fingers. "You want me to reach out to her."

"No, leave her where she is."

Carla sat at her laptop as the sun dipped below the horizon. She pulled on her cardigan against the sharp chill in the air and deciding that she'd done enough work for the night she walked back to her room in the schoolhouse. She ignored the voices in the common room. Sometimes it was nice to be alone.

She'd had a wonderful experience, had seen the most fantastic sights and met some of the kindest, most caring people. But she was homesick.

It was time to go home.

Two weeks later Carla was on a plane heading back to New York. She hadn't told Johnny or April she was coming, wanting to surprise them. She knew from the infrequent phone calls that April was getting sick again and that Johnny was worried about her. They had tried to keep it from her but she knew, and she couldn't stay away any longer.

"Carla! Oh sugar, it's so good to see you." Johnny picked her up and swung her round. Carla laughed and hugged him tightly. "It's good to see you too, big man."

"Johnny, is that Carla I can hear?" Carla ran into the bed room. April held out her arms, a huge grin on her face.

"Oh baby I've missed you so much." Carla clambered over the huge bed into the arms of her best friend. It was so good to be home.

Carla stayed at Johnny and April's house for a month, reluctant to leave the warmth of their loving family. But she was needed to set up an exhibition of her work, as part of a fund raiser in LA, and she wanted to see Happy and Tig.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." She sat in her usual place. On the floor in front of the fire, her head on Aprils lap, her friend stroking her hair. Really it was too warm for a fire but April felt the cold these days. So on the rare occasions she felt well enough to get up, Carla would light it for her.

"I know, Baby, just don't leave it so long, this time, I miss you when you're away."

"I wont, I promise. The exhibition isn't for a month, but I want to leave next week. The guys get out of jail then, and I want to be there."

April chuckled. "Been a while since you've been laid, Huh?"

"You have no idea."

Leaving April this time was even harder than before. Carla knew she'd been getting sick again but she hadn't expected her to be this bad. Her immune system was weakened by the removal of her spleen and she had always had trouble fighting off infections. But now it was like the rest of her body was shutting down. The slightest thing exhausted her. She spent most of her time in bed, too weak to sit up in her chair for long periods. She didn't even have the energy to spend more than the shortest time with her kids, something that was tearing her apart. She had insisted on accompanying Carla and Johnny to the airport to say goodbye and Carla couldn't shake the feeling of finality as she kissed her friends goodbye. She could hardly look Johnny in the eye, not wanting to see his pain.

"I'm just a phone call away, call me if anything.." She couldn't continue. She buried her face in his chest to hide her tears and he hugged her tightly.

"Come home soon, Sugar."

Carla sat on the veranda of the small bed and breakfast on the outskirts of Charming waiting for the phonecall that would tell her the boys were home.

For most of their stay in Stockton, communication had been pretty much a sporadic, one way affair. Often they would get several letters from her at once followed by long periods of nothing and they had practically no way of contacting her. Everything had been done via a third party. Most of the places Carla had been to were pretty remote and isolated but on the odd occasion she had access to a phone or the internet she would talk to Johnny or April and any messages would get passed on.

She became aware of the rumble of a Harley in the distance and her heart began to quicken. She wasn't even aware of getting to her feet as the bike pulled up at the side of the curb and she must've covered the distance between them in record time. All she knew was, that one moment she was sitting on the porch swing and the next, she was in his arms, his mouth on hers, teeth grazing her lips and their tongues fighting for supremacy. She whimpered as he pulled away.

"Get on." He rasped.

It didn't get better than this, the feeling of his bike under him, a beautiful girl behind him with her arms around his waist. He twisted the throttle a little more as they sped along the freeway, grinning as he felt Carla press herself against his back. He didn't want to stop but his hard on was getting uncomfortable, the feeling of her tits pressed up against his back, driving him insane.

It wasn't the most romantic location. But with her back against the wall of the disused gas station, her legs wrapped round Happy's waist as he pounded inside her. Carla couldn't have cared less. It was fast and furious and they both came in minutes. Happy sank to his knees with a groan, his forehead resting on her stomach.

"I missed you, Girl."

He didn't want to take her back to Charming. As soon as Tig laid eyes on her he'd monopolize her. But Happy had no choice. To refuse would seem churlish. He was beginning to think he was going to have to bite the bullet and make her his old lady.


	15. Chapter 15

I don't own Son of Anarchy

"Let me look at you, Doll." Tig held her at arms length and scrutinised her face. "Still as beautiful as ever."

Carla blushed. "I'm not beautiful, Tig, you know that."

He frowned. Even after all this time, with everything she'd achieved, that little voice was still bugging her. "You are beautiful, Doll, both inside and out. What is it you see when you look in the mirror?"

"I know I'm not hideous, and mostly I feel good about myself. But I'm not delusional. I'm okay with being okay."

"I'm never gonna change your mind am I?"

"You think I'm beautiful, that's enough." She slipped her arms round his waist. "I missed you, Tigger."

"Missed you too." They straddled the bench at the picnic table, her back pressed against his. Tig wrapped his arms around her. He didn't want to let her go. "You got any plans?"

Carla shrugged. "I'm going to stick around here for a couple of weeks. I've got an exhibition in LA to organize at the end of the month and after that I'm going back to New York. I want to spend as much time with April as I can."

"She not doing too good?" Carla shook her head, talking about April upset her too much.

The party inside the clubhouse was now in full swing and the sounds of the festivities had begun to filter outside. Tig gave Carla a little nudge. "C'mon, Doll, lets get you inside, Hap's gonna be getting fidgety."

Carla sighed, she didn't want to go in there, she was no party animal and large crowds made her uncomfortable.

"Happy will be fine. He's had his fuck, he wont give a shit what I do now."

"You're wrong, Doll, he likes you. He always gets twitchy if I spend time with you." He gave a short laugh. "I keep waiting for him to challenge me in the ring."

Carla scowled and turned to face him. "If you two fight over me, I swear I'll never speak to either of you again."

"Most women would love the idea of two men fighting over them."

"I'm not most women, Tig." He brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her gently, his lips lingering on hers a fraction longer than was appropriate. He pressed his forehead against hers. "I am such an idiot."

"Tig?"

"Nothing, forget it. C'mon, lets get inside." He stood and marched back into the clubhouse leaving Carla staring behind him, a puzzled expression on her face.

Carla stood inside the clubhouse, scanning the crowd. Tig had disappeared and it took a moment before she located Happy, leaning against the bar talking to Chibs, a busty redhead draped over him. Gnawing on her bottom lips, she turned to leave.

A hand on her arm stopped her in her tracks. "You gotta make those bitches show some respect. You wanna keep Happy, you gotta fight for him." Carla turned and looked up at the tall attractive woman behind her. "I'm Gemma, queen bitch around here."

"Hi Gemma, I'm Carla. I'm sure you're trying to help, but Happy isn't mine to keep. He can be with whoever he wants." She turned back to the door. "I don't think I want to fight over someone who doesn't respect me enough to keep his hands off other women when I'm just outside. Goodnight, Gemma, it was nice meeting you."

"Bit hypocritical ait ya? I saw you and Tig outside. You're lucky Happy doesn't beat your skinny arse."

Now Carla was getting pissed. "Not that it's any of your business, but Tig is my friend, that's all. Happy knows that." Gemma smirked. "You keep telling yourself that sweetheart. Oh and if you're planning in sticking around, you'd better get used to the idea that, if it involves my boys, it is my business." She turned on her three inch heel and stalked back into the throng.

Back outside in the cool air, Carla took a calming breath and started to walk back to her lodgings.

Gemma walked over to the bar and positioned herself between Happy and Chibs. "So, Happy, you enjoying your first night of freedom?"

"I'm enjoying it fine, Gem." Although he would never say anything to his president, he thought Clay's old lady was given too much rope. Women within the club should know their place but Gemma overstepped the mark, time and time again.

"Thought you would like to know that that little girl of yours is walking home on her own."

Happy pushed himself away from the bar, shoving the redhead out of his way, he marched to his bike.

Carla had only been walking for a few minutes when Happy's bike pulled up beside her.

"Get on."

"I can walk, thanks."

"I aint asking. Get on."

"Or what, Hap?" Carla was getting seriously pissed with people telling her what to do. "Where do you get off telling me what to do?"

"You do not want to push me, girl. Just get on the fucking bike." Carla ignored him and carried on walking. Happy grabbed her arm. "Do not walk away from me. You need to show some respect."

"Don't talk to me about respect, Happy. How do you think I feel seeing you with some tart wrapped round you?"

"Thought you were too busy with Tig to care."

"Not the same thing, Hap and you know it."

"Do I? you looked pretty cosy when I saw you. You wanna fuck him, fine, but you gotta stop playing me for a fool."

"I don't want to fuck him. Why would you say that? I've not been with anyone but you. I'm not the one fucking around."

Happy ran his hand over his head. He was starting to lose control of the situation. "That girl, back there, weren't nothing. I aint disrespecting you. I got pissed cos you were with Tig."

"I wasn't with Tig, we were just talking. Please, Happy, don't make me choose."

Happy shook his head. "Carla I aint gonna do that. Shit I'm being a prick, here." He pulled her closer to him. "Can we start again?" Carla stared at the ground.

"Carla, say something." She gave a tiny smile and climbed onto the back of his bike. "Get me out of here, Hap."

The next few days passed in a blur. Carla spent as much time as she could with Happy. She hadn't seen as much of Tig as she'd have liked. He said he wasn't avoiding her, that he had club shit to do, but she wasn't so sure. He was definitely being weird around her. Happy swore he hadn't said anything to him, so Carla had to just accept what she was being told. She missed him though. A lot.

Deciding to go to LA with Happy was definitely one of her better ideas. Things were going really well between them and she wanted to prolong the time they had together for as long as possible.

Happy loved riding with Carla behind him, she shared his love of the open road. His grin widened as she urged him to go faster. The girl was completely fearless.

They would be going their separate ways soon and he was really going to miss her.

Carla laid back on the bed watching Happy dress. He was heading back to Charming and she had an exhibition to organize. As usual they hadn't discussed the future, and she was feeling more than a little disappointed. There had been times when she had been sure he was going to ask her to be his old lady, but then he'd backed off and the moment was lost. She closed her eyes. She should have known by now, that she was kidding herself and when it came to Happy, to expect nothing.

* * *

"I had a call from Samyork today, Johnny Smitt's old lady passed earlier. As many of you know, Johnny is a much respected senior officer of the New York charter and every charter will be represented at her funeral." Clay turned to Tig. "I know you and Johnny are old friends, so I'm guessing you will want to be there."

Tig nodded. He had to get out of there. "Gotta make some calls, Clay." Clay nodded and Tig walked outside to his bike.

He had to get to LA, Carla would need someone there. He had no idea if anyone had contacted her, but whether they had or not, she shouldn't be alone.

Carla was finally happy with the exhibition. The pictures looked great and showed how small things could make a huge difference to people's lives. A huge fund raising dinner was planned for the following evening, after which she would be free to head back east.

"I'm sorry sir we're not open to the public." Fiona, her fellow organizer turned at the sound of the door opening.

"I aint the public, Doll."

"Tig!" Carla turned, and rushed towards him, her smile dying as she saw the expression on his face. "April?"

"I'm sorry, Doll." He pulled her into his arms and held her as she sobbed into his chest.

Carla was numb, it felt like she had no tears left. Tig stood on the balcony, talking on his cell. From what she could gather Clay was pissed with him for just taking off, she was glad he had though. She didn't know how she'd be able to function without him. For the last two hours since they got back to her hotel room Tig had been almost constantly on the phone, while she sat on her bed, hugging her knees. He walked back into the room and sat on the bed, pulling her into his arms.

"Got you a flight booked for tomorrow morning. The funeral isn't till next week, give all the charters a chance to get there, but I figured you'd prefer to get there a soon as possible." Carla nodded. She wanted to scream that it was too late, that she should have been there for April. Instead she said nothing, she just buried her face into his chest. Tig held her tightly, stroking her hair. He wished there was something he could say to make things better for her.

Carla climbed out of the taxi and walked up to Johnny's house, she knocked on the door and waited.

The door was opened by Rhoda. "Hi honey, Tig said you were coming. Johnny is in the living room, he's in a real bad way. I've sent the boys and Charlotte to stay with Lacy, the poor kids are going through enough without having to see their father like that." Carla nodded and walked into the living room. Rhoda hadn't been exaggerating. Johnny looked terrible.

He looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. "Where the fuck were you? You should've been here. You knew how sick she was. Some fucking friend you turned out to be. You promised to be there for her and you let her down." He sobbed. "We all did."

"Johnny, Baby. I'm sorry."

"No. I don't need you here. April's gone. She never got over you going away again. You knew she wanted you to stay but you were more interested in your precious career and getting fucked by Happy." He took a shuddering breath. "Get out of my house, I never want to see you again." Cara backed out of the room, tears streaming down her face. Rhoda pulled her into a hug. "He's hurting honey, he's lashing out. He knows it isn't your fault, he just wants someone to blame."

"He's right, I should've been here. I knew how sick she was. I'm just a selfish bitch."

"No you're not, Honey. You have a life to lead, April knew that. Yes she was getting weaker, but nobody could've predicted this. She just went to sleep and didn't wake up." Rhoda led her into the kitchen and sat her at the table. She poured her a large coffee. "Stay there, I'll go talk to him." The older woman kissed her forehead and headed into the living room. Carla couldn't hear what Rhoda was saying, she laid her head on the table and closed her eyes.

"Hey Sugar." Johnny sat down next to her. "I'm sorry for that. None of this is your fault, I don't know what I'm doing, here, but I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"It's okay." Carla didn't sit up or open her eyes.

"Carla, Sugar. Look at me." She opened her eyes but didn't raise her head.

"It hurts doesn't it."

Johnny nodded and put his arm around her shoulder. Carla sat up and slipped her arms around his neck. Rhoda walked back in to the kitchen to see them in each other's arms, crying silently. She allowed herself a small smile, picked up her coat and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.


	16. Chapter 16

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

It was a beautiful morning, without a cloud in the sky. Carla frowned. It should be raining, the sun had no right to shine on the day they were burying her best friend. She leaned on the wall outside the funeral home, smoking a cigarette and trying to push down the knot of anger that had lodged itself in her chest.

All around her Sons from different charters were milling about. Heading inside to pay their respects before sitting back on the bikes waiting for the funeral procession to begin. Carla ignored them all. She hadn't seen anyone from Charming yet although she knew they had arrived the night before. Johnny was inside accepting condolences from his brothers and staying close to April's casket but Carla couldn't bring herself to go in. She didn't want to see her friend laying there, somehow it would make it too real.

Happy climbed off his bike and looked over to where Carla was standing. She seemed even smaller, somehow. She looked tired and her eyes were downcast but she wasn't crying, much to his relief. Happy couldn't stand it when bitches cried. He walked over to where she was standing and leaned on the wall next to her.

"You okay?" Carla's frown deepened and the anger inside her stepped up a notch. What sort of idiot question was that? Of course she wasn't okay. Her best friend had died and she hadn't been there. The one person in the world who she had no secrets from, who knew every little thing about her, was gone. She felt her hands ball up into a fist and her breath caught as she fought to rein in her anger.

"Not really Hap." If it had been Tig, or Johnny, or anyone else for that matter, they would have held her. But it was Happy so he did nothing, just carried on standing there in silence.

"What do you want, Happy?"

"Want? Nothing, just seeing if you're okay. Are you going inside?"

"No."

"Don't you want to say goodbye."

"No."

"It might help."

"In what way? Will it make her any less dead?"

The anger was building again. She didn't even know who she was angry with, and she didn't know how long she was going to be able to keep a lid on it.

"Leave me alone, Hap. Please." Happy didn't argue, he just pushed himself away from the wall and went inside.

To Happy, Johnny looked like a man teetering on the brink. This was why he never wanted to fall in love. He never wanted to be the man in front of him, his emotions laid bare. Happy couldn't see how Johnny would ever recover from this.

"Hey, brother. I'm sorry for your loss." Johnny nodded his thanks. He couldn't take much more of this.

"You seen Carla?" For some reason that he didn't quite understand, his grief was easier to bear when she was around.

"She's outside, doesn't want to come in."

Johnny nodded. The girl had been his rock for the last few days but now she was starting to crumble. "Anyone with her?"

"Don't think she wants any company right now."

"What she wants and what she needs are two different things brother. I couldn't have got through the past few days without her. She's hurting real bad and she needs someone with her. If you can't do it, find someone who can. I gotta be here with my lady, you should go be with yours."

Happy stalked outside. His brother was grieving so he would let it go, but he was getting seriously sick of people telling him how he should be with Carla. It seemed to him, that suddenly everyone was a relationship expert and they all felt the need to point out that if he didn't man up and make her his old lady, he was going to lose her. He reached the door and stopped dead. There was Carla wrapped in Tig's arms, her face buried in his chest while he held her tight, all the time talking to her, his voice so low that only she could hear. Happy rested his forehead against the doorframe. Fucking Tig. It should be him comforting her, but even as he thought it, he knew that he'd had the chance and blew it.

He knew that Tig wouldn't have thought twice, he would've just taken her into his arms and immediately known what to do. He wasn't like that though, the only physical contact they had was when they were fucking or when she was on the back of his bike. He just didn't do all that touchy feely shit and Carla had never complained. But looking over at the little girl in Tig's arms, he wondered if maybe there was something wrong with him and it was her insecurities that prevented her from calling him out.

Carla rode to the cemetery on the back of Happy's bike. She would've preferred to have ridden with Tig but protocol prevented that and the only other alternative was to ride in one of the cars with Gemma and the other old ladies and there was no way that was going to happen. Gemma and Tara, Jax's old lady, had flown in a few days ago to help with the funeral arrangements and so far Carla had managed to stay out of their crosshairs and she fully intended to keep it that way. She buried her face into his cut, trying to stifle her sobs. She didn't want to fall apart, but she was fighting a losing battle. They were going to bury April and whether she wanted to or not she was going to have to say goodbye.

The church was filled to capacity, a testament to, not only Johnny's standing within the club, but the affection that his brothers had for his wife. Carla stood next to Happy as the casket was brought in on the shoulders of Johnny and three of his closest brothers. She closed her eyes and fought to push down the emotions that were bubbling inside her.

The minister started to speak of how they should celebrate Aprils life and Carla felt the rage build up inside her. She didn't want to celebrate, she wanted to grieve in the most primal way. She needed to get out. Pushing Happy out of the way she ran outside, ignoring the stares and whispers. The rage was burning inside her consuming her. Once outside, she sank to her knees struggling to breathe.

"Carla, c'mon girl, stand up." Happy grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to her feet. Once she was standing, he guided her to his bike and handed her the helmet. "Let's take a ride."

She stared at him, her eyes glassy. "Hap?"

"Get on girl, let's get out of here."

They rode for hours, out of the city and onto the interstate. Happy couldn't do words of comfort, he might not be tactile. But he could do this. The further they rode the more he could feel the tension leave her body until eventually he turned off and headed down a little used stretch of road finally pulling in on what looked like a deserted car lot. They dismounted and she followed him round the back of some derelict buildings, where he stopped and pulled his glock from his holster.

"Shoot something."

"What."

"That abandoned car over there. Shoot it up. Don't stop until the anger has gone."

She took the gun. "Hap?"

"The anger inside you, you need to let it out. Shoot the car."

"I don't …."

"SHOOT THE GODDAMNED CAR!" Carla screamed and emptied the clip into the car then handed the gun back to Happy.

"Wanna go again?" She shook her head. "Talk to me, tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

"It's just not fair, Hap. April was the sweetest, most serene woman I've ever met. She didn't deserve any of what happened to her. And now Johnny is left without the love of his life. How's he supposed to get over that? And her kids are left without a mother. Who's going to keep those boys on the straight and narrow now? The club? I don't think so." She was pacing up and down now, tears streaming, unchecked down her face. "And what about me? She was my best friend. Who do I go to now? The woman in that casket back there knew all about me, all my secrets. Who do I unburden myself onto now? You? Tig? I've never had a best friend before and now I've lost her."

She stood still, and looked at him. "It hurts so much."

Happy slipped his arm round her shoulder and walked her to an old bench near one of the buildings. "Sit." they sat, side by side and Happy pulled a joint out of his pocket. They shared the joint in silence.

Carla looked at the man sitting next to her. "I'm not dealing with this very well, am I?"

"You're dealing okay. You're hurting and you had a melt down." Happy took her hand in his. "Shit like this affects people in different ways. You were a good friend to her and a good friend to Johnny."

"If I was a good friend, I'd have been there for her."

"Don't even go there, Girl. She would've died whether you were there or not and I know Johnny appreciates your support." He gently kissed her fingers. "Don't be so hard on yourself. C'mon we better get back."

The Samyork clubhouse was bursting at the seams when they got back. Happy weaved his way through the crowd to the bar with Carla clutching the back of his cut. Tig watched as they headed for the bar. She looked better, calmer. He resisted the urge to go to her.

"You got that puppy dog look on your face, Tigger."

"Missed that opportunity a long time ago." He threw his arm round Gemma's shoulder and kissed her cheek. "Aint much gets by you Gem."

Gemma smirked. "When it comes to you Tigger, you're an open book. The only person that doesn't see it, is that little girl over there."

Why were they laughing? Johnny looked round for the culprits. His wife was dead and someone was fucking laughing. Happy saw Johnny moving towards a group of nomads a murderous look in his eyes.

"Shit." Carla looked round as Happy nodded over to Tig and they both headed across the room to intercept Johnny. She slid off the barstool and grabbed Happy's arm.

"I got this Hap." Happy stood back as she approached Johnny.

"Hey baby." She stood in front of him, her hand pressed firmly on his chest. "Let's go outside and get some fresh air."

Johnny looked down at her. "Bastards were laughing."

"I know baby. It stings, I know, but you've got to let it go. C'mon let's get some air." She gently led him to the door and they sat down on the steps. Carla slipped her fingers through his and rested her head on his shoulder.

"How am I gonna get through this, Sugar?"

"I don't know, Baby, but I'm here as long as you need me."

"No, you have to go back to Charming. You shouldn't waste your life here with me."

"Charming can wait." Carla kissed his scarred face. "Spending time with you is not a waste."

Truthfully, Johnny didn't want Carla do go. He felt she was the only one who truly understood what he was going through. She was good with his boys as well. He had been a hopeless father, not even able to look them in the eye. If it wasn't for Carla and Rhoda they wouldn't even get fed. He had been so wrapped up in his own grief that he had hardly acknowledged them or his daughters at all.

Happy and Tig stood side by side at the bar. "She's gonna stay here."

"She'll come with you if you ask, Hap."

"Can't do that."

Tig slammed his glass on the bar. "Jesus Hap, if you want her, let her know. She thinks you don't care about her."

"She aint stupid, she knows I care."

"Yeah cos she's fucking psychic. She'll put up with any shit from you, Hap, cos she doesn't think she deserves any better. But one of these days she'll wake up and when she does, she's gonna leave your arse."

Happy rolled his eyes. How many fucking times did he have to hear this? They were fine. She had her life and he had his. The arrangement they had suited them both fine.


	17. Chapter 17

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

"You aint my ma, you can't tell me what to do." Mikey stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him.

Carla sat down and slumped over the table. This shit was starting to get old real quick. She was trying, she really was. Mikey was hurting, she knew that. They all were. Three months after April's death and the once vibrant family home was now like a mausoleum. Charlotte had moved in with her elder sister, Mikey and Joe had gone from being happy and loving to withdrawn and surly and Johnny, well Johnny was just lost.

In the middle of all this was Carla trying desperately to hold it all together, while at the same time dealing with her own grief. She laid her head on the table and closed her eyes. She didn't know how much longer she could do this. It felt like the life was being sucked out of her.

Johnny prised open his eyes and turned to the sweet but next to him. "Take a hike, Sweetheart." The woman knew better than to argue, she quietly dressed and headed out from the dorm into the clubhouse. He closed his eyes and waited for the pounding in his head to ease. It had been four days since he had been home, it was easier to stay at the clubhouse and drink himself into oblivion every night than face his family. He knew he was letting the kids down and he wasn't being fair on Carla. Every morning he woke up swearing to himself that today would be the day he faced up to his responsibilities but every night he fell unconscious on top of some unnamed whore.

Happy pulled up outside Johnny's house and dismounted, stretching until his aching joints popped. Shit, he was getting too old for this. He walked stiffly to the door and knocked loudly.

It had been Tig that had prompted him to spend the best part of a week on the road. He called her at least once a week and was worried about how withdrawn she was becoming. But when he started talking about flying out to see her, Happy had taken the initiative. She was his girl and it was up to him to make sure she was okay.

"Happy!" Carla practically fell into his arms.

"It's okay, girl, I got ya." Happy was shocked by her appearance. It was like she had reverted back to that downtrodden little girl he'd first seen all those years ago. There were dark shadows under her eyes and she'd clearly lost a lot of weight. He frowned as he ran his thumb along her, now prominent, clavicle. "You been eating?"

Clara sighed. "Food kinda sticks in my throat, these days."

"Where's Johnny?" She shrugged. "Clubhouse, I guess."

"You carrying all this shit on your own?"

"Johnny's really struggling, Hap. I'm just helping how I can."

"Keeping house and raising his kids, while he wallows in self pity back in the clubhouse. I don't think so." Happy turned and marched back to his bike.

"Oh shit! Hap wait."

Johnny was halfway through a bottle of Jack when Happy stormed into the clubhouse. He raised his bloodshot eyes. "Hap." Happy wrinkled his nose at the stench of sweat and bourbon. Bringing back his fist, he punched Johnny square on the nose, knocking him clean off his stool. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Just how long do you plan on holding your little pity party here? I know you're drowning, brother, I got eyes. But you're dragging Carla down with you. Just how long do you think she can hold it together before this breaks her?" He bent down and pulled Johnny to his feet, bringing is face up to his. "And if she breaks I'm holding you responsible." Johnny slumped against the bar. "I'm sorry bro. I know I've gotta man up. I know Carla's hurting too an' I know I'm using her. Take her back to charming. She don't deserve this shit."

"I can't leave. What about the kids? There's no way Johnny can take care of them, he can't even take care of himself." Carla paced up and down in front of the empty hearth

. Happy sat on the sofa, trying to stay calm. "Sit down, Girl."

Carla sat next to him. "I can't just leave them, Hap."

"Rhoda can help with the kids, but they're Johnny's responsibility. He has to man up." Carla opened her mouth to speak but hap raised his hand. "Have you looked in the mirror recently? You aint eating and, judging by the bags under your eyes, you aint sleeping either." Happy stroked her hair. "It's time you let someone to take care of you for a change."

Usually Carla loved being on the back of Happy's bike. But this time it was different. With every mile that took her further away from New York, she felt her heart break a little more. Happy had planned to spend six days travelling, he didn't want the journey to be too arduous for her, and to be honest, a nearly six thousand mile round trip wasn't easy for him either. So taking it slow on the return leg was as much for him as it was for her.

The clubhouse was nearly empty when the road weary travellers got in, only Tig and Boby sat propping up the bar.

Tig hugged her tightly. "I am so glad you're back, Doll. You staying this time?" Carla tightened her arms round his neck. Tig was her safe place. When every thing turned to shit, the one person she knew she could rely on was the unstable crazy psycho, Alex Tig Trager. "I missed you Tig." She sniffed. "I always miss you."

The three of them sat on the sofa in the corner of the clubhouse eating pizza and drinking beers. Carla leaned on Happy and closed her eyes.

"Wanna go home?"

"Don't have a home, hap."

" My home."

Carla sighed. "You don't have a home either, you have a motel room. Happy, you're more of a gypsy than I am. I guess If I'm going to stick around here I'll have to look for a more permanent arrangement."

Tig grinned. "Do you mean you're gonna stay?"

"For now, maybe. New York still feels more like my home, but right now I need to be as far away as possible. I couldn't see it when I was there, but I can now."

Happy's motel room was clean, tidy and completely devoid of personal items. Carla laid with her head on his shoulder, her fingers entwined with his. "So what happens now?"

"Well I could fuck you again."

"Funny, Hap."

"I dunno, Girl, What we have has always worked before, don't see why it wouldn't now."

Carla sighed. "I guess you're right, as soon as I'm earning I'll find a place, give you some space." She waited for Happy to say something, to ask her to stay but was met with silence. Rolling over she closed her eyes, Happy was never going to commit and she'd have to suck it up or move on.

Happy had to hand it to the girl, she was never one to let the grass grow under her feet. In less than a month she had found work with a local news paper and was renting a tiny studio in the heart of Charming. They hadn't spent much time together. His particular skills were often in demand with other charters and he hadn't been in town much.

Despite Tig's best efforts, she was becoming more and more involved with the club. Gemma, in particular was keen to have her around. So she found herself attending family dinners and barbeques as well as getting roped into helping with Gemma's fund raisers.

Carla knew that despite her grief, she had to move on with her life. April wouldn't want her to give up so she buried her sadness, painted a smile on her face and did what she always did. Sucked it up and carried on.

As the months progressed life fell into an easy routine. Her work was easy, if a little boring, photographing local events. And for the first time ever she had what could be described as a normal relationship with Happy. She wasn't his old lady, there was no mark or property patch. But she was acknowledged by everyone as his woman, and treated accordingly. Sometimes when she was feeling low, she would start to think she was selling herself short, that she deserved to be treated better. But men weren't exactly queuing at her door and, no matter how much she pretended otherwise, she was damaged goods. Always was and always would be.

Gemma strutted into the clubhouse. "Tig, a word, please." Tig looked up from the pool table. "Gem?"

"That little girl of Hap's. What's her last name?"

"Harrison, Why?"

"She married to a Ted Harrison?"

"Was, yeah. What's this about Gemma?"

"Tara just called. A Ted Harrison was brought into St Thomas. A Carla Harrison was named as a next of kin. She thought that as Carla is a pretty unusual name she'd call and check." Gemma pursed her lips. "She divorced?" Tig shook his head. "It's complicated."

"And Happy, he know about this husband?"

"Yes, Gemma he does. Look I know that it looks like she's been keeping shit from you, but it aint like that. That bastard aint been on the scene for a long time, and if he ever shows his face in Charming, Hap will kill him."

"Looks like he wont have to. Tara said he was found collapsed outside some dive bar between here and Lodi and was taken to St Thomas. He's real bad and aint expected to survive. Maybe you should let Carla know."

"If I don't you will. Am I right Gem?"

"She's his wife, Tigger. She should be told."

"Fine, I'll tell her." Sometimes Gemma's interfering really pissed him off. Carla posed no threat to the club. She didn't need to know that fat arsehole was in town, even if he was at death's door. But if he didn't tell her Gemma would.

"She's doing what?" Happy stormed out of the clubhouse, pointing a finger at Tig. "You let her go to the hospital with no one watching her. If he hurts her, I swear I will tear out your heart."

"He's dying, Hap. He aint gonna hurt her. She wanted to go, and she didn't want anyone with her. Just calm the fuck down." Happy growled and stormed out to his bike. There was no way he was going to let her be alone with that fat shit, even if he was dying.

She was actually talking to him! Happy leaned on the doorframe and listened as the spoke quietly to the man laying in the bed.

"Dr Knowles said you were very sick."

Ted opened his eyes. "I'm dying, you stupid bitch. That why you're here? To gloat?"

"No Ted, to be honest, I don't know why I came. But I think it's because I need you to hear what it was like for me. For ten years, I put up with your abuse because I didn't think I deserved to be treated any better. The beatings were bad, but it was the psychological abuse that really did the damage. Bruises heal, but words stay. Even now those words are lodged in my brain. Stupid, worthless, ugly. They pop up and stop me in my tracks. But now I have people in my life who have given me new words. Clever, worthwhile, talented, beautiful. They balance it out a bit. What you did damaged me beyond repair. But Happy and Tig, you remember them don't you, they have put me back together and taught me how to love and trust. I'm not that scared little girl any more. I have a career, friends." She turned and smiled at Happy. "And a man who fucks me till I scream. But that's what you were always afraid of isn't it? I understand now that none of what you did was about me. It was you. It was your insecurities that made you believe that if you didn't keep me down, I'd up and leave you. You were scared of being alone." she sighed and sat in the chair next to the bed. "You don't scare me any more. I'm not even angry."

She gave a short humourless laugh. "I saved your life once. After you came after me in Galt, Happy went on the hunt, I guess you were holed up at Rene's. I told him I didn't want him to kill you. Never wanted your death on my conscience. Even then after you nearly killed me, I didn't want you dead."

Ted opened his eyes again. "I'm sorry." His breathing was becoming increasingly laboured. Carla gave a small smile. "Apology accepted."

She looked up to where Happy was still standing. "You don't have to wait. I'm staying here. He's scared and he's dying, and no one, not even him, should have to die alone." Happy opened his mouth to argue, but she had that look on her face so he turned and sat on one of the chairs in the corridor.

Cara didn't speak again, she just sat and waited as Ted's breathing became shallower and shallower until there was no breath at all. She stood and without a backward glance walked out of the room to where Happy sat waiting.

"You didn't have to stay."

"Yeah I did." He stood and slung his arm round her shoulders. "Wanna take a ride, Girl?"

"Always, Hap." Arm in arm they walked to where his bike was waiting.

"You okay, Girl?"

Carla smiled. "Yeah. I'm fine."

She really was. She didn't believe in 'happy ever after', but she would settle for 'okay right now'. And right now as she climbed onto the back of Happy's Harley and slipped her arms around his waist. 'Okay' felt very good indeed.

End


	18. Chapter 18

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

EPILOGUE

THE FUTURE

Carla frowned, the rain was getting heavier. It looked like she'd have another night alone. She didn't really mind, unlike many of the other old ladies who hated it when their men were on a run. Sure, she worried, but being on her own wasn't an issue. She enjoyed her own company and pottering around at home. They had been living just outside Tacoma for just over five years and despite missing the California sunshine, she loved it.

The Redwood Charter had all but collapsed, torn apart by lies, greed and deceit. It was no longer a place for anyone who believed that the Sons were about brotherhood and honour so they'd decided that a transfer to Tacoma was the only option.

As she turned back into the room, Carla caught sight of her reflection. Despite the grey that was appearing at her temples and the fine lines that crinkled at the edges of her eyes when she laughed, she looked pretty good for a woman in her forties, she was still probably a little too thin but she still had enough curves to turn heads. She crossed the room and sat on the floor in front of the fire. She flexed the fingers on her left hand, they often ached in wet weather, the single reminder of her time with Ted. She never felt ugly any more, didn't feel that she had to accept second best. She was recognized as a word renowned photographer. Over the last ten years she had traveled the world, her pictures had been in some of the country's most prestigious publications and she had exhibited in top galleries on both the East and West coasts. But for the last couple of years she had stayed close to home, her wanderlust finally sated.

Sometimes she regretted that they'd never had kids, although truthfully, neither of them were really parent material. They had each other and that really was enough. And as they approached middle age they both were learning to slow down and really appreciate each other. Life is fragile and can be snatched away at any time. A fact both were acutely aware of. Every touch, every look, every kind word should be savoured. They had spent so long skirting around each other before getting to this point that neither of them wanted to waste a second.

Happy stared out of the window. The rain was practically horizontal and he was soaked to the skin but at least the diner was warm and dry. He winced as he shifted in his seat, every old injury coming alive as he moved. The life always took it's toll, and he wasn't a young man any more. Sometimes he worried that the time was coming when he couldn't ride anymore. He pushed the thought away as the waitress brought his burger and fries. She was practically simpering as he nodded his thanks. Happy allowed himself a small smile. Yep he still had it.

The rain was drumming even harder on the window. It was a day just like this that Carla had finally laid it on the line. He'd known it was coming, he just hadn't expected it to be then. The day they had put Johnny in the ground.

As Happy stared out of the window, he remembered it as if it were yesterday.

It was after the service as they were all heading for their bikes when he'd suddenly realized that she wasn't with them. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tig turn and head back toward the grave.

"Tig." He put his hand on his shoulder. "I got this." Happy walked slowly back to where she was standing, staring, dry eyed at the grave where her best friend and husband were finally reunited. He didn't put his arms around her but positioned himself so as to protect her from the worst of the rain.

"He loved her so much." Her voice was monotone, devoid of emotion.

"He loved her too much."

"No, Hap, you're wrong, I know that losing her ripped him apart, that he never really recovered. And we both know that he let the road take him. But no, he didn't love her too much." She took a deep breath and continued. "For over twenty years they loved each other. In all that time, they only had eyes for each other. Even after the crash, the love they had stayed strong. It was a beautiful thing, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little envious. April used to tell me that I could have what she had, that I had to believe that I deserved to be loved. But I didn't believe her."

Carla turned and looked into his eyes. "I have loved you for so long and I've never asked for anything in return, was just happy accepting what ever scraps of affection you were prepared to throw my way." She stood on tiptoe and gently kissed him. "For all those years, ever since we stayed at Tig's It's only ever been you. It didn't matter if we were together or apart, fighting or fucking, I loved you. I know what you are, I've always known. And although you would probably deny it, the shit you do has leached into other parts of your life. You're cold Happy, you think that it's weak to show emotions, to bare your soul. But you're wrong. It takes real strength to open up to some one, real strength to love. Johnny knew that he was going to lose April, and that when he did that it would destroy him. But he loved her anyway and I don't think he would have had it any other way."

"What do you want, Carla?" Happy braced himself for the ultimatum.

"I want to be loved."

Happy stirred his coffee. The girl had been right. She did deserve to be loved, but even so, her little speech had knocked him sideways and he'd no idea how to respond. It seemed though that she hadn't wanted a response. She'd just slipped her hand in his and started to walk back to his bike. It was typical of her, even after opening up like that there had been no demands. It wasn't her way, and if he'd have told her that it was tough, she'd have to suck it up or ship out, she'd probably accept it. Probably.

He picked up his cell and dialed her number. "Hey Girl, the weather's pretty shitty. Gonna get a room for the night, I'll see you in the morning."

The rain was still drumming on the window when Carla felt the bed dip. "Wasn't expecting you till the morning." She mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. "Takes more than a little rain to keep me from my girl." He kissed her briefly on the temple. "Go back to sleep."

Happy lay on his back staring at the ceiling as the thin morning light filtered through the curtains. Again his mind wandered back to that day. They'd ridden back to the clubhouse without another word. She'd said her piece and it was up to him now. Once inside he watched as Tig took her wet coat from her and gave her his hoodie before leading her to the bar and giving her a large brandy.

Happy sighed. Carla had always been loved, she'd just been looking in the wrong place. He walked over to where they both were standing and pulled her gently to one side.

"I'm gonna hit the road, Girl." He kissed her gently. "Tig'll look after you, if you let him."

"Hap?"

"I'm never gonna be able to give you what you deserve. It aint in me." He kissed her again. "Goodbye Girl."

Carla was in the kitchen making pancakes singing softly along to the radio. Tig walked up behind her and kissed her neck. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Only every day for the last eight years." She turned to kiss him and gave a little squeal as he lifted her on to the table. "And I will tell you every day for the next eight years, and the eight years after that." He kissed her and pushed her back on the table. She ran her fingers through his curls and looked into those beautiful blue eyes. "And I love you too Tigger."

When Happy had walked away, Carla had wanted to die. It had hurt so bad but Tig had been there as always to pick up the pieces, and somewhere along the line Carla had fallen in love with him. It wasn't like a bolt out of the blue. It was a gradual thing that grew slowly until one day it dawned on her that she really didn't want to live without him. And now, eight years later, life couldn't be better.

Although it had been hard at first she had managed to stay friendly with Happy, he was Tig's brother and they had both transferred to Tacoma at the same time. She realised, as time passed why Happy had done what he'd done and although sometimes when she saw him she felt a little pang, mostly she was grateful to him for letting her go. He was never going to love her, no matter how much she wanted it, and if he had stayed it would have chipped away at her until there was nothing left.

He was a proud and honorable man. He would always try to do what he thought was right. He was capable of unspeakable acts of cruelty and wonderful acts of kindness, but he couldn't love. So he'd done the honorable thing and set her free.

"Did Hap say what time he'd be here." Tig was still trying to separate her from her clothes.

"No, just that he'd be here this morning, he didn't want to ride through the night in the rain." Tig frowned but said nothing. He knew that although Happy was a few years younger than him, the years he had spent as a nomad had really taken their toll on his brother and the man that would ride for days through all kinds of weather now struggled after a few hours.

"Does that mean I have to make it quick?" He mumbled into her neck.

"Yes Tig, I guess it does."

Happy stood under the shower, hoping the hot water would ease his stiff joints, it was a three hour ride to Carla's and right now it would be a struggle to get his leg over his bike. Once showered and dressed he walked stiffly to his bike and headed out towards Tacoma.

Happy thought he was incapable of loving, but he was wrong. He did love, but his mistress was hard, demanding and unforgiving. The rush from doing ninety along her highway was as good as any orgasm. But in return she demanded one hundred percent commitment at all times. As he rode the pain in his back and shoulders niggled at him sapping his energy and making it hard to concentrate. Anything over sixty and the vibrations made the pain unbearable.

He had been putting up with this for over a year now and it was only going to get worse. Gritting his teeth, he opened up the throttle, pushing his Dyna harder and harder. He wasn't going to retire gracefully and as the barrier came hurtling towards him he twisted the throttle one more time and closing his eyes he let the love of his life take him.

Much love and thanks for the lovely reviews and all your support

O xx


End file.
